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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.13

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 13
Nowadays, the internet has shown an important role in human’s modern life. A growing number of people prefer online to order what they need which daily necessities, clothes and so on. Some people agree this is going to affect all shops in towns and cities are being closed. In my opinion, I completely disagree that all shops will be closed for this reason. I do believe that there are drawbacks to online shopping. I do believe physical stores are more convenient for people to buy everything. The more important thing is clients can access their store easily if the items are imperfect or broken. They do not need to wait several days for processing time, then receive items return back. For example, I bought a headphone as a birthday gift for my sister last month. I received my parcel, but one ear of headphone is broken. I contacted the seller immediately, but he mentioned that they do not have physical store, I have to wait the processing time around 5days. So, I had to change my plan, because my sister’s birthday was within 3 days. However, online shopping is a new technical way to buy daily needs, but this is not all accepted by different of ages. For older people, they are not keen on using smartphones or computers; for younger ages, they may not allowed to have a credit card to pay the payments. It is obvious that physical stores play an important role in the cities. A recent survey has found that 80% elders of residents in the cities, they choose to visit shops rather than online shopping. In conclusion, compared with past, online shopping has increased. People can choose any kind of shopping way. But, I completely disagree that will lead to all shops closing because of convenience and costumers’ ages should be considered.
Nowadays, the internet has shown an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human’s modern life. A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to order what they need which daily necessities, clothes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this is going to affect all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in towns and cities are
being closed
. In my opinion, I completely disagree that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will
be closed
for this reason
.

I do believe that there are drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. I do believe physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are more convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything. The more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is clients can access their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
easily
if the items are imperfect or broken. They do not need to wait several days for processing time, then receive items
Consider using "return".
return back
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a headphone as a birthday gift for my sister last month. I received my parcel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one ear of headphone
is broken
. I contacted the seller immediately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he mentioned that they do not have physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait the processing time around 5days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my plan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my sister’s birthday was within 3 days.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a new technical way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
daily needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of ages. For older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they are not keen on using smartphones or computers; for younger ages, they may not
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowed
to have a credit card to pay the payments. It is obvious that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the cities. A recent survey has found that 80% elders of residents in the cities, they choose to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

In conclusion
, compared with past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has increased.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can choose any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I completely disagree that will lead to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
closing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of convenience and costumers’ ages should
be considered
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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