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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 1
Technology has made shopping to assume a different approach due to the rising popularity of online vendors. It is the view of some people that e-commerce will cannibalize traditional stores in cities and towns. I completely disagree. Admittedly, shopping online offers a great flexibility and convenience to customers as they can make all their purchases at the comfort of their home. This is essentially very important given the busy schedule that a lot of people have to contend with nowadays. Also, they do not have spend long hours in traffic travelling to buy basic things such as groceries or electronic devices. However, some people still consider visiting local stores to be better for many reasons. Firstly, they get to see the goods they are about to buy as it is. The pictures used to advertise online are sometimes deceitful and do not objectively portray the physical peculiarities of the product being displayed because the images are usually taken with high definition cameras. In addition, the online vendors sometimes mix up people’s orders when delivering to customers. I had a personal experience where I had a wedding to attend on a Saturday and needed to buy a pair of brown shoes to match with the other accessories I already had. I was made to pay for express delivery in order to have the shoes delivered to me before the ceremony. To my disappointment, I got a blue pair of shoes wrongly delivered to me and it was too late for me to make alternative arrangements. This would not have happened if I had visited a local store to pick up the footwear by myself. To sum up, while online shopping gives customers great ease and comfort, it is very unlikely to lead to full closure of local shops. An ideal situation would be for vendors to offer both services so that consumers can decide on what channel they want to explore at every point in time.
Technology has made shopping to assume a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach due to the rising popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
vendors. It is the view of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that e-commerce will cannibalize traditional stores in cities and towns. I completely disagree.

Admittedly
, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
offers a great flexibility and convenience to customers as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
at the comfort of their home. This is
essentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the busy schedule that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
contend with nowadays.
Also
, they do not have
Use past participle here: "spent".
spend
long hours in traffic travelling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
basic things such as groceries or electronic devices.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
consider visiting local stores to be better for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
they are about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
as it is. The pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
deceitful and do not
objectively
portray the physical peculiarities of the product
being displayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the images are
usually
taken with high definition cameras.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
vendors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
mix up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
orders when delivering to customers. I had a personal experience where I had a wedding to attend on a Saturday and needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a pair of brown shoes to match with the other accessories I already had. I
was made
to pay for express delivery in order to have the shoes delivered to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the ceremony. To my disappointment, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a blue pair of shoes
wrongly
delivered to me and it was too late for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
alternative arrangements. This would not have happened if I had visited a local store to pick up the footwear by myself.

To sum up, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping gives customers great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and comfort, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unlikely to lead to full closure of local shops. An ideal situation would be for vendors to offer both services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that consumers can decide on what channel they want to explore at every point in time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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