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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 7
Brick by brick the place of the Internet rises in our lives. Some families have given up to watch TV an to listen to the radio due to web services, such as YouTube have replaced them. Far as I am concerned the traditional shops will be absolutely changed in the near future. From my perspective the recent burning growth of the online shopping is quite predictable, as Bill Gates said “If your business is not on the Internet, then your business will be out of business”. At the dawn of an online marketing. There are mostly reasons for that, but first of all a choice of some products is more comfortable in the online markets than in the offline ones. For example, only after reading in the Internet forums a lot of information and feedbacks of other users any gadget, I buy it. It is convenient for me when I can add to cart, for example, several models of a phone, pick up information about each ones and choice the best offer. In addition, using the web services which allow to compare the prices in other shops help to save money. So buying across the World Network is not only convenient, but also profitable. Moreover, online shopping has given opportunities to get products from sellers all over the world. So purchase scarce products have been significantly easier for people dwelling in a small town and unable to shop ones in the nearby malls. On the other hand, preferring online marketing people may buy a pig in a poke. Meantime, in the traditional store you can try it on, feel the quality of new things and see your modern look before you pay money. However the most successful marketing brand offer to put on clothes buying through the Internet and return it when you get your order for free. In conclusion, I think that we will observe the rocketing rate of the online trading and in several decades the traditional shops will belong to the past.
Brick by brick the place of the Internet rises in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
families have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
to listen to the radio due to web services, such as YouTube have replaced them. Far as I
am concerned
the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will be
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the near future.

From my perspective the recent burning growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping is quite predictable, as Bill Gates said “If your business is not on the Internet, then your business will be out of business”. At the dawn of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marketing.

There are
mostly
reasons for that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
a choice of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products is more comfortable in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets than in the offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after reading in the Internet forums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information and feedbacks of other users any gadget, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. It is convenient for me when I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to cart,
for example
, several models of a phone, pick up information about each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "one"?
ones
and choice the best offer.
In addition
, using the web services which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to compare the prices in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
buying across the World Network is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
profitable.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
products from sellers all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
scarce products have been
significantly
easier for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dwelling in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town and unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in the nearby malls.

On the other hand
, preferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marketing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a pig in a poke. Meantime, in the traditional store you can try it on, feel the quality of new things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your modern look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you pay money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the most successful marketing brand offer to put on clothes buying through the Internet and return it when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your order for free.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we will observe the rocketing rate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
trading and in several decades the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will belong to the past.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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