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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.40

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 40
There is no doubt that the development of the Internet has brought a huge difference in people’s daily life, either in towns or cities. I am quite in favour of this view which is online shopping may replace physical stores in the near future. To begin with, many employees are getting busier and busier in their work, which may result in they have no time to buy food after work. One ideal solution is to order online during work, by doing this will save their time and money. In addition, shopping online will have more options and can shorten the distance of buying goods. For example, if you want to buy stuff from overseas, you do not have to go to this country through online shopping. Also, you can buy almost about anything within one online shopping website like Taobao or Amazon. Next, although many customers still like to shop in physical stores, it is undeniable that browsing online is more convenient. One reason for some people to buy in-store is that they can try those clothes on, but with the development of Augmented Reality technology, the buyer can not only try those clothes on but also can easily change their styles, patterns, colours or sizes. However, there are some things about shopping in-store, which cannot be replaced by online shopping like the atmosphere and environment. For instance, a coffee shop with emitting a strong aroma of coffee is an excellent place to relax. In conclusion, although the traditional shopping behaviour has its irreplaceable aspects, it is still hard to compete with online shopping.
There is no doubt that the development of the Internet has brought a huge difference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily life, either in towns or cities. I am quite in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this view which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
may replace physical stores in the near future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees are getting busier and busier in their work, which may result in they have no time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
food after work. One ideal solution is to order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
during work, by doing this will save their time and money.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will have more options and can shorten the distance of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For example
, if you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
stuff from overseas, you do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to this country through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Also
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
almost about anything within one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
website like Taobao or Amazon.

Next
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers
still
like to shop in physical stores, it is undeniable that browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is more convenient. One reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
in-store is that they can try those clothes on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the development of Augmented Reality technology, the buyer can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
try those clothes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their styles, patterns,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
or sizes.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in-store, which cannot
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
like the atmosphere and environment.
For instance
, a coffee shop with emitting a strong aroma of coffee is an excellent place to relax.

In conclusion
, although the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has its irreplaceable aspects, it is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 40

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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