Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.9

Crime is like a cancer in this modern era. Many countries of this world are facing the issue of tremendous increase in crime rate. Because of which, people believe that there should be more police officers patrolling the streets. I partly agree with this view. Firstly, patrolling can prevent illegal activities as this might help create a sense of fear in the minds of criminals. The lack of surveillance leads to more unlawful activities. If the law enforcement officers are out on the streets of the violent areas, then there will be less illegal activities because they get caught. Secondly, it gives citizens a sense of protectiveness. For example, if there is something unlawful happening, then it is easier for people to report it to the police officers and they can arrive at the crime scene faster. This can help in saving the victim from the adversaries. However, I do believe that placing more force on the ground is not a solution to this problem. For the surveillance purposes, cameras can be installed on the streets, shopping areas etc. To solve this problem, the mentality of the people, law system etc. , needs to be updated. For instance, there are many officials of law who are corrupt and have joined hands with the bad guys to earn some extra money. The administration needs to make sure that such officers get severe punishments for their betrayal to the community. Moreover, the government must try to make stricter laws and ensure that they get implemented at the ground level. All the criminals must get strict punishments. To conclude, I do agree that installing more police officers on the ground can help prevent lawlessness, but this is not the effective way. To effectively reduce crime, the government needs to work on changing the mentality of people, make stricter laws, so that no offender gets out without any sentence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is like a cancer in this modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries of this world are facing the issue of tremendous increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there should be more police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
patrolling the streets. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

Firstly
, patrolling can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illegal activities as this might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create a sense of fear in the minds of criminals. The lack of surveillance leads to more unlawful activities. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
enforcement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
are out on the streets of the violent areas, then there will be less illegal activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught.
Secondly
, it gives citizens a sense of protectiveness.
For example
, if there is something unlawful happening, then it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to report it to the police
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
officers and
they can arrive at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
scene faster. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in saving the victim from the adversaries.

However
, I do believe that placing more force on the ground is not a solution to this problem. For the surveillance purposes, cameras can
be installed
on the streets, shopping areas etc. To solve this problem, the mentality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
system etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma.
,
needs to
be updated
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
officials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
who are corrupt and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
hands with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
guys to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money. The administration needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severe punishments for their betrayal to the community.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and ensure that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
implemented at the ground level. All the criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
strict punishments.

To conclude
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that installing more police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
on the ground can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
lawlessness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the effective way. To
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to work on changing the mentality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no offender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
out without any sentence.

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.9