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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.17

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 17
It's often argued that, with the advent rising of the online purchases will lead's to the shutdown of the stores in the coming years. I completely disagree with this argument, many prefer to shop locally instead of buying online because they cannot feel or see the product in live. It's true that shopping online provide's us the various option's to buy conveniently without going anywhere from the place you are, but, it lacks in-terms of safety and reliability. We can be easily tricked in many forms. For example, one of my colleague wanted to buy a laptop online and browsed various websites to get it for a lesser price than the local market offers. Landed into a site which has a nice user interface and the main banner of the site says forty percent all over the products they sell. Felt something is fishy and purchased offline in the companies outlet. My friend was happy to buy offline as he got a nice discount as well as a gift to choose two accessories the brand offers. But buying from dealers or local shops is not always possible because they may lack in selling the new arrivals or products which are rarely bought. For example, last year I thought of purchasing shoes from a famous brand. But, that model is barely available in the market because of its low in production by the manufacturer. I have contacted many dealers and stores throughout the city and nowhere the footwear is available. Then, I started searching online and luckily found the shoes on their official site. I have spoken with the customer care to confirm the authenticity and purchased them with a lesser price tag compared to my budget. To conclude, Many believe purchasing product's from the local shops is always comfortable than buying online. Even though, the percentage may increase due to the ease and availability, It will not lead to the closing of all the stores either in cities or towns.
It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, with the advent rising of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
will
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "leads"?
lead's
to the shutdown of the stores in the coming years. I completely disagree with this argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to shop
locally
instead
of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot feel or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the product in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

It's true that shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "provides"?
provide's
us the various option's to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
conveniently
without going anywhere from the place you are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it lacks in-terms of safety and reliability. We can be
easily
tricked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms.
For example
, one of my colleague wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and browsed various websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it for a lesser price than the local market offers. Landed into a site which has a nice user interface and the main banner of the site says forty percent all over the products they sell. Felt something is fishy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
offline in the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "companies'" or "company's"?
companies
outlet. My friend was happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
offline as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a nice discount
as well
as a gift to choose two accessories the brand offers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
buying from dealers or local shops is not always possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may lack in selling the new arrivals or products which are rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.
For example
, last year I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of purchasing shoes from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
brand.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, that model is
barely
available in the market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its low in production by the manufacturer. I have contacted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dealers and stores throughout the city and nowhere the footwear is available. Then, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
searching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and luckily found the shoes on their official site. I have spoken with the customer care to confirm the authenticity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
them with a lesser price tag compared to my budget.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe purchasing product's from the local shops is always
Use "(comfortable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
comfortable
than buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Even though
, the percentage may increase due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and availability, It will not lead to the closing of all the stores either in cities or towns.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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