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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.15

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 15
With advancement in technology, online stores are gaining popularity among the masses. A growing number of people are making their purchases using these e-commerce websites rather than visiting the stores. It is widely believed that this trend shall force many retail outlets to shut down in the future. I share the same opinion as them. This essay shall cover reasons as to why we might not be seeing any shops in times to come. The fierce competition and struggle to meet ends makes it difficult to take out time to go visit a store. Also, with the rapid growth in world population the issue of congestion has surfaced which increases the duration of reaching the place and locating a parking spot. Buying stuff through the internet saves time and hustle of visiting the shop. To elaborate this point let’s take an example, if one has to select a pair of Zara Jeans, you just go to the Zara online store, scroll down, select and make the payment. It takes only five minutes and a few clicks of the mouse! Moreover, the internet is progressing each day, e-commerce companies are trying to bring all consumer needs and wants on the same place. For example, websites like Alibaba allow you to buy clothes, tyres, tools, crockery, etc everything at the same place. On the contrary, making choices in the traditional manner means you go to each and every shop and then spend some more time and energy in making choices. In conclusion, data in a number of countries show the adoption rate of this behaviour is very high. For instance, in Pakistan traffic on such websites have grown three folds in the past couple of years. I strongly agree that soon retail outlets shall not be seen anymore.
With advancement in technology, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are gaining popularity among the masses. A growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
using these e-commerce websites
rather
than visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
. It is
widely
believed that this trend shall force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
retail outlets to shut down in the future. I share the same opinion as them. This essay shall cover reasons as to why we might not be seeing any shops in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

The fierce competition and struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
.
Also
, with the rapid growth in world population the issue of congestion has surfaced which increases the duration of reaching the place and locating a parking spot. Buying stuff through the internet saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and hustle of visiting the shop. To elaborate this point
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s take an example, if one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
select a pair of Zara Jeans, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go to the Zara online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, scroll down, select and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the payment. It takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five minutes and a few clicks of the mouse!

Moreover
, the internet is progressing each day, e-commerce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are trying to bring all consumer needs and wants on the same place.
For example
, websites like Alibaba
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes,
Possible spelling mistake. 'tyres' is British English.
tyres
, tools, crockery, etc everything at the same place.
On the contrary
, making choices in the traditional manner means you go to each and every shop and then spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy in making choices.

In conclusion
, data in a number of countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the adoption rate of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
For instance
, in Pakistan traffic on such websites have grown three folds in the past couple of years. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
retail outlets shall not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
anymore.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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