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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v.14

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 14
There is no doubt that online market, increasing drastically. While some think network shopping will lead to kill general purchase. I am not convinced; will discuss further why I am denying with the statement. On one hand, Due to comfort online shopping improve business. Moreover, plenty of options available so that consumer has lots of options to select. While browsing online, time and energy will save. Furthermore, No need to spend time on journey or driving, simply sit at home and complete purchasing. For example, a recent survey conducted by amazon in my home town, 80% youth preferred to do online shopping rather than manual. With these reasons online giving tough competition to regular business. On the other hand, few of them interested to do regular shopping. Still, we can’t do online business for all the purposes. Like movies and restaurants. When we watch the movie in a hall with peers look and feel is different. Furthermore, when we go for a hotel to drink a small cup of tea along friends or colleagues, the refreshment is different. Moreover, few of them interested to go out and purchase things whatever they want. Like that, they would like to meet or wish other people instead of sitting at home. With these reasons still regular shopping will be there, but their market may decrease. To avoid loss they need to have new plans to attract more customers. In conclusion, Online shopping increases its share when compare to regular. But, regular purchases will exist and continue forever.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
market, increasing
drastically
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "(think)"?
think
network
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will lead to kill general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. I am not convinced; will discuss
further
why I
The verb 'denying' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
am denying
with the statement.

On one hand, Due to comfort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
business.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of options available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that consumer has lots of options to select. While browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, time and energy will save.
Furthermore
, No need to spend time on journey or driving,
simply
sit at home and complete purchasing.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
in my home town, 80% youth preferred to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than manual. With these reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
giving tough competition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
business.

On the other hand
, few of them interested to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Still
, we can’t do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business for all the purposes. Like movies and restaurants. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the movie in a hall with peers look and feel is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Furthermore
, when we go for a hotel to drink a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
cup of tea along friends or colleagues, the refreshment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Moreover
, few of them interested to go out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things whatever they want. Like that, they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or wish other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
instead
of sitting at home. With these reasons
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will be there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their market may decrease. To avoid loss they need to have new plans to attract more customers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
increases its share when compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
will exist and continue forever.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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