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Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views. v.1

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. v. 1
IT IS OFTEN BELIVE BY SOME FOLKS THAT MEDIA CAN SHOW PEOPLE'S PERSONAL LIFE BECAUSE THEY HAVE RIGHT TO DO THAT. WHEREAS SOME SAY THAT IT SHOULD BE RESTRICTED TO SOME EXTENT. IN MY OPINION I DO BELIEVE THAT IT MEDIA CAN HAVE ACCESS TO SHOW GENERAL DETAIL OF THE PEOPLE. BECAUSE IF THEY DO SO, IT IS A BRECH OF CONFIDENTIALITY ANYONE CAN SUE THEM. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEWS WITH EXPLANATION AND RELEVANT EXAMPLES. TO START WITH, BY MAKING INDIVIDUALS PRIVATE LIFE PUBLICALLY, MEDIA IS ATTEMPTING A MINOR CRIME WHICH IS AGAINST THE INDIVIDUAL. TO ELABORATE, BY DOING THIS, THEY ARE MAKING ONE'S LIFE OPEN AND LOSSING THEIR PRIVACY. BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS RIGHT O PROTECT THEIR OWN PERSONAL LIFE. FOR AN INSTANCE. IF MEDIA DO THIS TO ME I CAN FILE A CASE AGAINST THEM, BECAUSE IT IS NOT THEIR MATTER TO INTERFER IN MY LIFE. THUS THERE SHOULD BE SOME LOWS SO THAT THIS PEOPLE CAN KNOW WHAT INFORMATION THEY CAN PUBLISH AND WHAT NOT. IN THE OPPOSITE SIDE, IT IS THE MEDIA ONLY THROUGH WE ARE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES AND BEING UPDATED WITH THE CHANGE IN COMMUNITY AS WELL. TO EXPLAN IT, WE KNOW THAT THERE ARE LOT OF CHANGES OCCOURED ON THE NATION, BUT WITHOUT MEDIA SUPPORT WE ARE UNAWARE HOW OUR GOVERNMENT MADE A CHANGE. THUS SOME BELIVE THAT MEDIA SHOULD HAVE ALL THE RIGHT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, WHEN WE GOT TO KNOW THAT OUR PRESIDENT HAS ICREASED THE IMMIGRATION PROGRAME, WE INTERNATIONAL STUDENT USED TO GIVE MORE RESPECT TO THEM. TO SUM UP IT IS TRUE THAT BECAUSE THE MEDIA WE NOW KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. BUT IT ALSO IMPORTANT TO CONCERN ABOUT OTHER'S PRIVACY. THAT IS WHY I SUPPORT TO THOSE WHO SAYS THAT IT SHOULD BE CONTROLLED.
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
Possible spelling mistake found.
BELIVE
BY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FOLKS THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
'S PERSONAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIFE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY HAVE RIGHT TO DO THAT. WHEREAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
SAY THAT IT SHOULD
BE RESTRICTED
TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EXTENT. IN MY OPINION I DO BELIEVE THAT IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
CAN HAVE ACCESS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
GENERAL DETAIL OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IF THEY DO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, IT IS A
Possible spelling mistake found.
BRECH
OF CONFIDENTIALITY ANYONE CAN SUE THEM. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEWS WITH EXPLANATION AND RELEVANT EXAMPLES.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH, BY MAKING INDIVIDUALS PRIVATE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIFE
PUBLICALLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
IS ATTEMPTING A MINOR CRIME WHICH IS AGAINST THE INDIVIDUAL. TO ELABORATE, BY DOING THIS, THEY ARE MAKING ONE'S
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIFE
OPEN AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
LOSSING
THEIR PRIVACY.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
EVERYONE HAS RIGHT O PROTECT THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
PERSONAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIFE
. FOR AN INSTANCE. IF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
DO THIS TO ME I CAN FILE A CASE AGAINST THEM,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT IS NOT THEIR MATTER TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
INTERFER
IN MY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIFE
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
THERE SHOULD BE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
LOWS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THAT THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
CAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOW
WHAT INFORMATION THEY CAN PUBLISH AND WHAT NOT.

IN THE OPPOSITE SIDE, IT IS THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
THROUGH WE ARE AWARE OF OTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
'S
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
AND
BEING UPDATED
WITH THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
IN COMMUNITY
AS WELL
. TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXPLAN
IT, WE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOW
THAT THERE ARE LOT OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGES
Possible spelling mistake found.
OCCOURED
ON THE NATION,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
WITHOUT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
SUPPORT WE ARE UNAWARE HOW OUR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
MADE A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Possible spelling mistake found.
BELIVE
THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
SHOULD HAVE ALL THE RIGHT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, WHEN WE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOW
THAT OUR PRESIDENT HAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ICREASED
THE IMMIGRATION
Possible spelling mistake found.
PROGRAME
, WE INTERNATIONAL STUDENT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO GIVE MORE RESPECT TO THEM.

TO SUM UP IT IS TRUE THAT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
WE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
KNOW
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
It seems that a verb is missing.
IT
ALSO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
TO CONCERN ABOUT OTHER'S PRIVACY.
THAT IS
WHY I SUPPORT TO THOSE WHO SAYS THAT IT SHOULD
BE CONTROLLED
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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