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Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
UNDOUBTEBLY, PEOPL ARE BEING MORE CIURIOUS TO USE NEW TECHOLOGY. SOME FOLKS STARTED PROVIDING PERSONAL INFORMATIONS JUST TO GET AN ACCESS TO APPLICATION. AS FAR AS I CAN SEE I BELIEVE THAT BENEFITS OF THIS NEVER OVERTAKE DRAWBACKS BECAUSE OF THE TRUTH, THAT AGENCIES CAN MISUSE THE PRVATE DETAILS OF AN INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEFITS. TO START WITH, BY ALLOWING ACCESS TO AN INFORMATIO SUCH AS EMAIL ADDRESS, CONTACT NUMBER, TO TECHNOLOGY COMPANY, PEOPLE CAN AHVE FULL RIGHTS TO USE THAT SOFTWARE FOR THEIR PRSONAL PLESURE. THIS CAN MAKE ONE'S LIFE IN DANGER OR WORSE. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF I WANT TO USE APPLICATION LIKE SKYPE, OR A VIDEO CALLING SOFTWARE, I HAVE ALLOW THE ACCESS TO CAMERA AND PHOTOES. THEN I CAN USE IT TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY FAMILY BY MEANS OF VIDEOCALLING. BUT THEN SOME TIME COEPORATE PEOPLE CAN BREACH YOUR PRIVACY. ON THE OTHER SIDE, PEOPLE DEVELOP SOME APPLICATION JUST FOR MALICIOUS INTENTION. TO EXPLAN IT, THERE SOME FRAUDE APPLICATION WHICH ARE MADE TO CHEAT PEOPLE. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF MY NEIGHBOR DOWNLOADED GAME APP IN WHICH HE ASKED TO ALLOW ON CAMERA AND PHOTOES, HE DID THAT, BUT AFTER FEW DAYS HE GOT BLACKMAILING CALL FOR 1 LAC RUPEES. SO SUE TO ALL THIS MAJOR DEMERITS IT IS NOT SAFE TO OPT AN ACCESS TO ANY UNTRUTED APP. TO CONCLUDE, IT IS TRUE THAT BY ALLOWING ONE CAN USE THE SOFTWARE FOR NUMEROUS IMPORTANT PURSPOSES BUT ESTABLISHMENT CAN USE IT IN A WRONG WAY. THIS IS WHY IT ADVISABLE TO USE IT WISELY.
UNDOUBTEBLY
,
PEOPL
ARE BEING MORE
CIURIOUS
TO
USE
NEW
TECHOLOGY
.
SOME
FOLKS
STARTED
PROVIDING PERSONAL
INFORMATIONS
JUST
TO
GET
AN
ACCESS
TO
APPLICATION
. AS FAR AS I CAN
SEE
I BELIEVE THAT BENEFITS OF THIS NEVER OVERTAKE DRAWBACKS
BECAUSE
OF THE TRUTH, THAT AGENCIES CAN MISUSE THE
PRVATE
DETAILS
OF AN INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEFITS.

TO
START
WITH, BY ALLOWING
ACCESS
TO AN
INFORMATIO
SUCH AS EMAIL ADDRESS, CONTACT NUMBER, TO TECHNOLOGY
COMPANY
,
PEOPLE
CAN
AHVE
FULL RIGHTS TO
USE
THAT SOFTWARE FOR THEIR
PRSONAL
PLESURE
. THIS CAN
MAKE
ONE'S LIFE IN
DANGER
OR WORSE. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF I WANT TO
USE
APPLICATION
LIKE SKYPE, OR A VIDEO CALLING SOFTWARE, I HAVE
ALLOW
THE
ACCESS
TO CAMERA AND
PHOTOES
. THEN I CAN
USE
IT TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY FAMILY BY MEANS OF
VIDEOCALLING
.
BUT
THEN
SOME
TIME
COEPORATE
PEOPLE
CAN BREACH YOUR PRIVACY.

ON THE OTHER SIDE,
PEOPLE
DEVELOP
SOME
APPLICATION
JUST
FOR MALICIOUS INTENTION. TO
EXPLAN
IT, THERE
SOME
FRAUDE
APPLICATION
WHICH
ARE MADE
TO CHEAT
PEOPLE
. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF MY NEIGHBOR DOWNLOADED GAME APP IN WHICH HE ASKED TO
ALLOW
ON CAMERA AND
PHOTOES
, HE DID THAT,
BUT
AFTER FEW DAYS HE
GOT
BLACKMAILING CALL FOR 1 LAC RUPEES.
SO
SUE TO ALL THIS MAJOR DEMERITS IT IS NOT SAFE TO OPT AN
ACCESS
TO ANY
UNTRUTED
APP.

TO CONCLUDE
, IT IS TRUE THAT BY ALLOWING ONE CAN
USE
THE SOFTWARE FOR NUMEROUS
IMPORTANT
PURSPOSES
BUT
ESTABLISHMENT CAN
USE
IT IN A
WRONG
WAY. THIS IS WHY IT ADVISABLE TO
USE
IT
WISELY
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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