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Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
UNDOUBTEBLY, PEOPL ARE BEING MORE CIURIOUS TO USE NEW TECHOLOGY. SOME FOLKS STARTED PROVIDING PERSONAL INFORMATIONS JUST TO GET AN ACCESS TO APPLICATION. AS FAR AS I CAN SEE I BELIEVE THAT BENEFITS OF THIS NEVER OVERTAKE DRAWBACKS BECAUSE OF THE TRUTH, THAT AGENCIES CAN MISUSE THE PRVATE DETAILS OF AN INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEFITS. TO START WITH, BY ALLOWING ACCESS TO AN INFORMATIO SUCH AS EMAIL ADDRESS, CONTACT NUMBER, TO TECHNOLOGY COMPANY, PEOPLE CAN AHVE FULL RIGHTS TO USE THAT SOFTWARE FOR THEIR PRSONAL PLESURE. THIS CAN MAKE ONE'S LIFE IN DANGER OR WORSE. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF I WANT TO USE APPLICATION LIKE SKYPE, OR A VIDEO CALLING SOFTWARE, I HAVE ALLOW THE ACCESS TO CAMERA AND PHOTOES. THEN I CAN USE IT TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY FAMILY BY MEANS OF VIDEOCALLING. BUT THEN SOME TIME COEPORATE PEOPLE CAN BREACH YOUR PRIVACY. ON THE OTHER SIDE, PEOPLE DEVELOP SOME APPLICATION JUST FOR MALICIOUS INTENTION. TO EXPLAN IT, THERE SOME FRAUDE APPLICATION WHICH ARE MADE TO CHEAT PEOPLE. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF MY NEIGHBOR DOWNLOADED GAME APP IN WHICH HE ASKED TO ALLOW ON CAMERA AND PHOTOES, HE DID THAT, BUT AFTER FEW DAYS HE GOT BLACKMAILING CALL FOR 1 LAC RUPEES. SO SUE TO ALL THIS MAJOR DEMERITS IT IS NOT SAFE TO OPT AN ACCESS TO ANY UNTRUTED APP. TO CONCLUDE, IT IS TRUE THAT BY ALLOWING ONE CAN USE THE SOFTWARE FOR NUMEROUS IMPORTANT PURSPOSES BUT ESTABLISHMENT CAN USE IT IN A WRONG WAY. THIS IS WHY IT ADVISABLE TO USE IT WISELY.
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNDOUBTEBLY
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEOPL
ARE BEING MORE
Possible spelling mistake found.
CIURIOUS
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
NEW
Possible spelling mistake found.
TECHOLOGY
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FOLKS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
PROVIDING PERSONAL
The word 'INFORMATIONS' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
INFORMATIONS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ACCESS
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
. AS FAR AS I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEE
I BELIEVE THAT BENEFITS OF THIS NEVER OVERTAKE DRAWBACKS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE TRUTH, THAT AGENCIES CAN MISUSE THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
PRVATE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DETAILS
OF AN INDIVIDUAL FOR THEIR PERSONAL BENEFITS.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH, BY ALLOWING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ACCESS
TO AN
Possible spelling mistake found.
INFORMATIO
SUCH AS EMAIL ADDRESS, CONTACT NUMBER, TO TECHNOLOGY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN
Possible spelling mistake found.
AHVE
FULL RIGHTS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THAT SOFTWARE FOR THEIR
Possible spelling mistake found.
PRSONAL
Possible spelling mistake found.
PLESURE
. THIS CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
ONE'S LIFE IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DANGER
OR WORSE. FOR AN EXAMPLE, IF I WANT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
LIKE SKYPE, OR A VIDEO CALLING SOFTWARE, I HAVE
Use past participle here: "allowed".
ALLOW
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ACCESS
TO CAMERA AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
PHOTOES
. THEN I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY FAMILY BY MEANS OF
Possible spelling mistake found.
VIDEOCALLING
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
THEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TIME
Possible spelling mistake found.
COEPORATE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN BREACH YOUR PRIVACY.

ON THE OTHER SIDE,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
DEVELOP
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
FOR MALICIOUS INTENTION. TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXPLAN
IT, THERE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Possible spelling mistake found.
FRAUDE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
WHICH
ARE MADE
TO CHEAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF MY NEIGHBOR DOWNLOADED GAME APP IN WHICH HE ASKED TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
ON CAMERA AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
PHOTOES
, HE DID THAT,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
AFTER FEW DAYS HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
BLACKMAILING CALL FOR 1 LAC RUPEES.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
SUE TO ALL THIS MAJOR DEMERITS IT IS NOT SAFE TO OPT AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ACCESS
TO ANY
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNTRUTED
APP.

TO CONCLUDE
, IT IS TRUE THAT BY ALLOWING ONE CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE SOFTWARE FOR NUMEROUS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
Possible spelling mistake found.
PURSPOSES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ESTABLISHMENT CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT IN A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
WRONG
WAY. THIS IS WHY IT ADVISABLE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT
WISELY
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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