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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree. v.11

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 11
May online shopping lead to close traditional market places? . Some people believe that commercial trade will change our shopping behaviour, so that will induce traditional mall to close their doors and convert into virtual market. Others see this exaggerated vision, and flourishing online shopping will hardly close the all traditional stores. I believe that both campuses have a logical vision, and moderation approach is the best way. I meant that a lot of traditional marketplace will change into the virtual web, meanwhile, there a lot of them will survive for several reasons. Firstly, commercial enterprise attracts entrepreneurs for several aspects. First, this type of commerce does not require a large capital, having not to pay for rent a store, rent, or bills. For this reason, a lot of businessmen want to invest in this way, having increased their profitability. Secondly, this alternative method lets the entrepreneur to reach to cross section of consumers. For example, if you had online shopping sites in U. S. A, your website would be in Saudi Arabia. Consequently, it can be deniable that in the foreseeable future, the commercial transaction will force a lot of marketplace to change their behaviour and build their website for online shopping. on the other hand, it seems this statement saying commercial trade will lead mall is illogical for several reasons. Firstly, some things are wanted by families every day, so the commercial can not provide immediately for them, because it requires time to transfer to the applicant. For example, If some people online buy candy or ice cream, they should wait for prolonged time until they can get their plan. However, this procedure may will not benefit from this company refusing this order. Finally, some nations have not sufficient infrastructure, not helping them to provide this services. For example, a field of African countries, classified poor countries, do not have internet until today, so it is impossible for them in the foreseeable future to make this service. In conclusion, it says needlessly that all companies in rivalry in the system provide online shopping website providing a area of advantages for them, and this contract surpasses the traditional contract in term of the service consumers and the increase beneficial of capital turnover. In contrast, it seems clear tradition shopping will stay forever because the demand for it legislation issues in some countries. For these reasons, I strongly believe that the commercial business will be more popular over the next decades, but also a traditional marketplace will be in a narrow range.
May
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
lead to close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
market places?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
trade will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that will induce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
mall to close their doors and convert into virtual market. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this exaggerated vision, and flourishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will hardly close the all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
stores. I believe that both campuses have a logical vision, and moderation approach is the best way. I meant that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
marketplace will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
into the virtual web, meanwhile, there a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of them will survive for several reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
enterprise attracts entrepreneurs for several aspects.
First
, this type of commerce does not require a large capital, having not to pay for rent a store, rent, or bills.
For this reason
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of businessmen want to invest in this way, having increased their profitability.
Secondly
, this alternative method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
the entrepreneur to reach to cross section of consumers.
For example
, if you had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
sites in U. S. A, your website would be in Saudi Arabia.
Consequently
, it can be deniable that in the foreseeable future, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
transaction will force a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of marketplace to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and build their website for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, it seems this statement saying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
trade will lead mall is illogical for several reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things
are wanted
by families every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
can not provide immediately for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires time to transfer to the applicant.
For example
, If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
candy or ice cream, they should wait for prolonged time until they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their plan.
However
, this procedure may will not benefit from this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
refusing this order.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations have not sufficient infrastructure, not helping them to provide this services.
For example
, a field of African countries, classified poor countries, do not have internet until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is impossible for them in the foreseeable future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this service.

In conclusion
, it says
needlessly
that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in rivalry in the system provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
website providing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
area of advantages for them, and this contract surpasses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
contract in term of the service consumers and the increase beneficial of capital turnover.
In contrast
, it seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will stay forever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the demand for
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
legislation issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. For these reasons, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
business will be more popular over the
next
decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
marketplace will be in a narrow range.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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