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In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it. v.4

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it. v. 4
In many nations, it has been noticed that major crimes have declined; however, still, people are scared and have a feeling of insecurity. In my opinion, this is happening due to the rapid use of social media handles and this problem could be solved with the help of government by controlling the public media. The major problem associated with individuals who are feeling insecure is the fast use of different media modes such as Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp. In other words, internet users are making instant crime videos of the rape victim, homicide incidents and robberies and upload on social networking sites within seconds of time. Therefore, when other people watch such clips, they feel that these type of instances can occur any time; it creates a feeling of uncertainty and fearfulness. For example, a recent shooting case happened in Punjab, a son killed the whole family, gone viral on the internet and after watching this news; people are scared in their homes across the world. To eradicate this problem, the government must control on media stakeholders who are producing and showing such kind of violent clips to the public. This is to say that there should be ban and legal consequences on displaying devastating crime events, which affect people’s thought related to their surroundings. For example, in many Arab countries, no one is allowed to capture and upload crime scenes on the internet, as a result, people do not get horror crime information and they feel more secure. In conclusion, even with the decline in serious crime rates, people feel less safe than past times due to an increase in internet users and the government can introduce rules and regulation in order to control the use of social media channels.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, it has
been noticed
that major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have declined;
however
,
still
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scared
and have a feeling of insecurity. In my opinion, this is happening due to the rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
and this problem could
be solved
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by controlling the public media.

The major problem associated with individuals who are feeling insecure is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
modes such as Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp.
In other words
, internet users are making instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
videos of the rape victim, homicide incidents and robberies and upload on social networking sites within seconds of time.
Therefore
, when other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such clips, they feel that these type of instances can occur any time; it creates a feeling of uncertainty and fearfulness.
For example
, a recent shooting case happened in Punjab, a son killed the whole family, gone viral on the internet and after watching this news;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scared
in their homes across the world.

To eradicate this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
stakeholders who are producing and showing such kind of violent clips to the public. This is to say that there should be
Did you mean "banned"?
ban
and legal consequences on displaying devastating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
related to their surroundings.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Arab countries, no one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to capture and upload
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
scenes on the internet,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
horror
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
they feel more secure.

In conclusion
, even with the decline in serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel less safe than past times due to an increase in internet users and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can introduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation in order to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
channels.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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