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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 10
In the past, people shopped in traditional stores. Today, however, this leads to the closure of lots of stores in towns and cities and I agree with this for a number of reasons. The first reason is that online shops are likely to promote competitive prices. That is why they can always provide attractive promotions and sell the products at the bottom price because they do not have to pay the extra rental for the physical shops. For example, in my own country, Rozetka online shop is extremely popular among people as it sells its goods at the lowest prices compared to physical shops. The second reason is that online shopping is much more convenient and time consuming. In any case, younger people spend a lot of time choosing clothes or shoes on the Internet, because it can be done more quickly than in traditional stores, also you can choose it without the help of consultants. In most cases, sellers can take a lot of your time and distract you from your primary purchase goal. In conclusion, although traditional store it is really good, but a lot of people prefer online stores because it gave you a great opportunity to choose what you want when you stay at home. I personally agree this because I think that Internet shops can be a real reason for closing stores in town and cities.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shopped in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
however
, this leads to the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in towns and cities and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this for a number of reasons.

The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are likely to promote competitive prices.
That is
why they can always provide attractive promotions and sell the products at the bottom price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the extra rental for the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For example
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rozetka
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is
extremely
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it sells its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at the lowest prices compared to physical shops.

The second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping is much more convenient and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
. In any case, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of time choosing clothes or shoes on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
be done
more
quickly
than in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
also
you can choose it without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of consultants.
In most cases
, sellers can take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of your time and distract you from your primary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
goal.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gave you a great opportunity to choose what you want when you stay at home. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can be a real reason for closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in town and cities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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