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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v.3

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v. 3
With a rapidly changing business and technological atmosphere, the family structure is transforming throughout the world. I think this has numerous advantages ranging from better career opportunities to greater independence. This has a major disadvantage of lack of emotional bond among family members. The structure is changing from joint family to nuclear family. This allows younger family members to focus more on career and less on family obligations. Members of a joint family are often engaged in taking care of elderly and dependent members. A nuclear family is free of such compulsions and allows youngsters to spend more time on economically productive. Moreover, a nuclear family allows all members to stay free of any interference. A joint family not only has more than two generations living under the same roof but also several uncles, aunts, and cousins in close vicinity. This leaves little room for privacy and almost no independence. The changing family structure, on the other hand, allows separate rooms for all members and, hence, they have the independence to act according to their wish. However, this often leads to weakening of emotional bond among people. When the family structure breaks, it leads to lesser responsibility towards others and greater individuality. This results in a selfish culture in which each member looks after her interests and not that of others. Consequently, people become more materialistic and lesser human. For example, the changing family structure in Europe has resulted in more materialism while the tribals in Asia follow the traditional family structure and have strong emotions for other members of the family. In conclusion, though the changing family structure results in a lack of emotional bond, it is beneficial for the individual and the economy.
With a
rapidly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
business and technological atmosphere, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
is transforming throughout the world. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this has numerous advantages ranging from better career opportunities to greater independence. This has a major disadvantage of lack of emotional bond among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
from joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to focus more on career and less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
obligations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Members
of a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
engaged in taking care of elderly and dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. A nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is free of such compulsions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
youngsters to spend more time on
economically
productive.

Moreover
, a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to stay free of any interference. A joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has more than two generations living under the same roof
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
several uncles, aunts, and cousins in close vicinity. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
room for privacy and almost no independence. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
separate rooms for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and,
hence
, they have the independence to act according to their wish.

However
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to weakening of emotional bond among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
breaks, it leads to lesser responsibility towards others and greater individuality. This results in a selfish culture in which each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
looks after her interests and not that of others.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more materialistic and lesser human.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
in Europe has resulted in more materialism while the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tribals
in Asia follow the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
and have strong emotions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the family.

In conclusion
, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
results in a lack of emotional bond, it is beneficial for the individual and the economy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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