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Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why? v.1

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why? v. 1
A few individuals claim that women should focus on household task and upbringing of their children. Whereas more liberal minded people believe that women should have same rights as men to do work and achieve their goals. I strongly agree with liberal minded public. This essay will discuss the reasons for this notion with examples. To embark with, women who indulge in official work, can raise their children effectively as other females do. Because part -time and online job opportunities have been provided by various corporate organizations. For example, Child Care Association has revealed that working women are equally efficient in taking care of their pupils as housewives due to short span of working hours. Therefore, it is incoherent to say that having a career compromises a mother's ability to bringing up her child. Scrutinizing further, job gives monetary benefits to the family which will be helpful in raising the economic and social status of family members. Moreover, If women do job, they will contribute in providing better education to their children. As both the parents have different sources of income. For instance, USA residents have 80 percent of working parents, who would have capability to spend money on their children's study. It is clear that women not only helps in terms of money but also a quintessential example for the society. In conclusion, it is clear that working women can handle both professional and personal life. They should be given equal rights to work in corporate sectors. It should be necessary to bring a change in the thinking of traditional communities.
A few individuals claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should focus on household task and upbringing of their children. Whereas more liberal minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should have same rights as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to do work and achieve their goals. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with liberal minded public. This essay will discuss the reasons for this notion with examples.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who indulge in official work, can raise their children
effectively
as other females do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
part -time and online job opportunities have
been provided
by various corporate organizations.
For example
, Child Care Association has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
equally
efficient in taking care of their pupils as housewives due to short span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
Therefore
, it is incoherent to say that having a career compromises a mother's ability to bringing up her child.

Scrutinizing
further
, job gives monetary benefits to the family which will be helpful in raising the economic and social status of family members.
Moreover
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do job, they will contribute in providing better education to their children.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
both the parents have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources of income.
For instance
, USA residents have 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
parents, who would have capability to spend money on their children's study. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in terms of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a quintessential example for the society.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can handle both professional and personal life. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal rights to work in corporate sectors. It should be necessary to bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the thinking of traditional communities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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