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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 2
It is argued that the rising trend of purchasing online will finally lead to the breakdown of outlets in the cities and towns. I will completely agree that the online shopping industry will certainly destroy the offline market. This essay will initially discuss about the ease at which people can shop online for a variety of materials and then it will discuss about the perks offered in terms of discounts. Firstly, in today's generation people want to get over with any work easily. When it comes to shopping, they don't want to wander across the shops to select a single dress. Online shopping helps them to browse and filter their choices and finally get their desired product within few minutes. They have this opportunity all round the clock, which cannot be the same case with offline shopping. For instance, a recent survey on easiness index showed that, 90% of people felt it easy to do it online with just a few clicks rather than waiting in long queues of shops. Additionally, there are many benefits associated with online shopping such as discounts, offers and clearance sales. As a result, Customers often do get attracted to one plus one offers or something of such type, although it is a marketing strategy. The clearance sales that happens after every season will be of great advantage for the purchasers. For example, the Big Billion Day by Flipkart, offers heavy discounts to the people and also adds a wide variety of stock. To conclude, online shopping has been growing tremendously and exponentially. The ease it brings to the shopping along with huge offers is of a great boost. It is therefore leaving a little chance if people even thinking of shopping from retail outlets in the city.
It
is argued
that the rising trend of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will
finally
lead to the breakdown of outlets in the cities and towns. I will completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
industry will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the offline market. This essay will
initially
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for a variety of materials and then it will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
perks offered in terms of discounts.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over with any work
easily
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, they don't want to wander across the shops to select a single dress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to browse and filter their choices and
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their desired product within few minutes. They have this opportunity all round the clock, which cannot be the same case with offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For instance
, a recent survey on easiness index
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
felt it easy to do it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few clicks
rather
than waiting in long queues of shops.

Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
such as discounts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
and clearance sales.
As a result
, Customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to one plus one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
or something of such type, although it is a marketing strategy. The clearance sales that happens after every season will be of great advantage for the purchasers.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Day' seems to be countable, so consider using: "Days".
Day
by Flipkart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
heavy discounts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a wide variety of stock.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has been growing
tremendously
and
exponentially
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
it brings to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
along with huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
is of a great boost. It is
therefore
leaving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from retail outlets in the city.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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