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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.16

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and the society. v. 16
Peoples opinions differ as to the essence of higher education. While some opine that the focus on gaining tertiary certificate is to get an appropriate work, others counter the view and think that it has a vast positive impact on people and on the public. In my strong conviction, I agree that it is more beneficial to an individual and the state because it helps in personal development involving gaining ideas on cooperation and communication patterns and also decision making which are important in building the economy of communities. Admittedly, many consider that attending tertiary institutions is to aid graduates an opportunity in the work force for several reasons. Firstly, many jobs such as medicine, pharmacy and nursing requires a certificate from these institutions recognized all over the word to practice effectively and these jobs are considered the highly paid too. Hence the rise in families with them who apparently will help to alleviate poverty in homes and in the society respectively. In addition, competition owing to the fact that more people are upgrading both in knowledge and skills makes it a standard in reaching a milestone. To illustrate this will be based on a study conducted by different companies in rivers state which showed that those on a high salary scale even without experience were graduates. On the other hand, some think that it has a better influence on an individual and the society and I agree with this because, when they attend these schools, they are exposed to an independent lifestyle which allows them to cooperate and communicate with each other properly due to the fact that they live alone leaving members of their families and having to make decisions on their lives. More so, It avails them the opportunity to be exposed to various cultures that may eventually be helpful to them. For example, a person who travels to another state with either a different cultural and religious belief gains the understanding which may be useful in life's pursuit. Additionally, most people in a bid to interact properly learn different languages that may pay off eventually. Consequently, these may trigger an entrepreneur mindset which may be more rewarding thus improving the states financial status. To conclude, despite varying beliefs on the importance of university education, I am of the notion that even though an improved salary is possible after graduation, developing personal relationship skills targeted on how to live a communal life and independence which is a bedrock to a country's growth is advantageous.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
opinions differ as to the essence of higher education. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that the focus on gaining tertiary certificate is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an appropriate work, others counter the view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has a vast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and on the public. In my strong conviction, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is more beneficial to an individual and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in personal development involving gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on cooperation and communication patterns and
also
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in building the economy of communities.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consider that attending tertiary institutions is to aid graduates an opportunity in the work force for several reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs such as medicine, pharmacy and nursing requires a certificate from these institutions recognized
Did you mean "all over the world" (=globally)?
all over the word
to practice
effectively
and these jobs
are considered
the
highly
paid too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the rise in families with them who
apparently
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to alleviate poverty in homes and in the society
respectively
.
In addition
, competition owing to the fact that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are upgrading both in knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a standard in reaching a milestone. To illustrate this will
be based
on a study conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in rivers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that those on a high salary scale even without experience were graduates.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has a better influence on an individual and the society and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when they attend these schools, they
are exposed
to an independent lifestyle which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cooperate and communicate with each other
properly
due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone leaving members of their families and having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, It avails them the opportunity to
be exposed
to various cultures that may
eventually
be helpful to them.
For example
, a person who travels to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
with either a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural and religious belief gains the understanding which may be useful in life's pursuit.
Additionally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a bid to interact
properly
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages that may pay off
eventually
.
Consequently
, these may trigger an entrepreneur mindset which may be more rewarding
thus
improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
financial status.

To conclude
, despite varying beliefs on the importance of university education, I am of the notion that
even though
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
salary is possible after graduation, developing personal relationship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
targeted on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a communal life and independence which is a bedrock to a country's growth is advantageous.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and the society. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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