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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 1
It is often argued that, whether this advent of sophisticated modern technology and their associated trends such as online shopping are having positive impacts on people's quality of life, irrespective of their economic background, or whether this trend is extremely detrimental for those who belongs to low social-economic background Personally, I strongly advocate the opposite view, In my opinion, this development has significantly reduced the profit margin of many small scale business owners. In this essay, I shall examine a number of studies to, justify the presented viewpoint. Ever since the industrial revolution, the government has provided an enormous amount of growth opportunities to people whose income falls, far beyond the poverty range. However, with the increase in popularity of online shopping among people, many small trade owners are now loosing their space in the market. This is because, unlike many online shopping websites, these small field owners are lacking to provide customers with a huge variety of products. For example, an extensive study presented by Oxford University illustrated that, many people across the globe, usually prefer shopping online because, apart from the ease, these websites are also offering a wide range of product in the lucrative price range. As these small business owners lack resources and cannot offer any exclusive deals to customers, they often end up loosing their business to those websites. In addition, this trend has tremendously affected the income margin of local farmers. Many people now buy fruits and vegetables from the online stores, owning to this, local farmers cannot find a market to sell their crops. As a result, many farmers are now suffering from the overwhelming financial loss. This is borne out by a study completed at University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, economic standards of many local farmers across has dropped dramatically. According to statistic figures, more than 75% of farming families are lying below the poverty line. Therefore, it is certainly the case that, with this growing trend of online shopping, there is no scope of growth available for local business owners. To conclude from the aforementioned arguments, I am inclined to say that, despite the many benefits these technological developments and modern trend may provide to people, it is also very essential to acknowledge the negative impacts of these trends on poor sections of the society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, whether this advent of sophisticated modern technology and their associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's quality of life, irrespective of their economic background, or whether this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is
extremely
detrimental for those who belongs to low social-economic background
Personally
, I
strongly
advocate the opposite view, In my opinion, this development has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the profit margin of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners.

In this essay, I shall examine a number of studies to, justify the presented viewpoint.

Ever since the industrial revolution, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has provided an enormous amount of growth opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose income falls, far beyond the poverty range.
However
, with the increase in popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
trade owners are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
loosing their space in the market. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
field owners are lacking to provide customers with a huge variety of products.
For example
, an extensive study presented by Oxford University illustrated that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe,
usually
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, apart from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, these websites are
also
offering a wide
Possible agreement error. The noun 'product' seems to be countable; consider using: "range of products".
range of product
in the lucrative price range. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners lack resources and cannot offer any exclusive deals to customers, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up loosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to those websites.

In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the income margin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fruits and vegetables from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores, owning to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
cannot find a market to sell their crops.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffering from the overwhelming financial loss. This
is borne
out by a study completed at University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, economic standards of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
across has dropped
dramatically
. According to statistic figures, more than 75% of farming families are lying below the poverty line.
Therefore
, it is
certainly
the case that, with this growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, there is no scope of growth available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners.

To conclude
from the aforementioned arguments, I
am inclined
to say that, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits these technological developments and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
may provide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to acknowledge the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
on poor sections of the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops and cities closing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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