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With the pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that no academic subjects at school should be remove from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

With the pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that no academic subjects at school should be remove from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. v. 1
Each youngster’s life starts from school subjects. They are specially organised at schools to provide literacy and basic practical skills in various areas of life. Some people believe that academic subjects grant more success in adulthood, so that non-academic subjects should be removed from school curricula. Although, academic achievements are essential, I strongly believe that non-academic subjects teach children crucial life skills and make them healthier. Non-academic subjects give students opportunities to stay healthy by involving them into the active lifestyle better than academic disciplines. Such subjects as PE allow children to do exercise which are useful for their physical development, while academic subjects only train their intellectual work. For instance, STEM disciplines require students long-term motionless concentration on solving difficult tasks, which is hard for their brains and bodies. When switching to non-academic subjects, children are then able to concentrate on studying academic disciplines much better than if their work was all about one sort of activity. In addition, children learn to cover their everyday needs at non-academic disciplines rather than academic ones. Every day, people perform their routine like cooking or crafting; such practical needs are important for people’s self-confidence, therefore, must be studied at schools. In many cases, non-academic disciplines provide children with a chance to train those activities in class, while academic subjects do not concentrate on implementing knowledge into everyday activity. For instance, pupils may study to deal with solutions in chemistry, but they will only learn to use those solutions in the kitchen if they study cookery. Therefore, it would be unfair to hinder children in acquiring those skills by taking away non-academic subjects from school curricula. In conclusion, learning basic life skills and improving their physical health is vital for students to succeed in life. In this regard, I strongly disagree that non-academic subjects should be eliminated from schools. For the benefit of a student it is unlikely that making them only concentrate on academic subjects will be appropriate.
Each youngster’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. They are
specially
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to provide literacy and basic practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in various areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
grant more success in adulthood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be removed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements are essential, I
strongly
believe that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthier.

Non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opportunities to stay healthy by involving them into the active lifestyle better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do exercise which are useful for their physical development, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
train their intellectual work.
For instance
, STEM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
long-term motionless concentration on solving difficult tasks, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their brains and bodies. When switching to non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are then able to concentrate on studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
much better than if their work was all about one sort of activity.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to cover their everyday needs at non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ones. Every day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perform their routine like cooking or crafting; such practical needs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s self-confidence,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be studied
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disciplines
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a chance to train those activities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
do not concentrate on implementing knowledge into everyday activity.
For instance
, pupils may study to deal with solutions in chemistry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those solutions in the kitchen if they study cookery.
Therefore
, it would be unfair to hinder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in acquiring those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by taking away non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula.

In conclusion
, learning basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and improving their physical health is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this regard, I
strongly
disagree that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be eliminated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. For the benefit of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
it is unlikely that making them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be appropriate.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the pressure on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that no academic subjects at school should be remove from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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