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The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. v.1

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. v. 1
Television has played an important role in many children's lives and its viewing has been a favourite activity for many of them. Watching television station can be beneficial in many ways. This essay agrees and will discuss the development of a child's intelligence and awareness and also is a major source of an enjoyment To embark with, TV has a great benefit children as they get and connect about the physical happening in their modern faced society. This is an implication that when a child watches a significant program that is educational, informative and value promoted shows will increase their intellectual growth. For instance, a famous television show 'Bournvita Quiz Contest' telecasted by Discovery channel help children to improve brain power and an ability of reasoning. Another fortunate development is an elevation in awareness regarding different common social issues. Many television advertisements and shows raise voice against problems such a as deforestation of trees and wastage of water, which help future generations to stay active and alert. Thus, the idiot box is very favourable to solve multiple issues. Furthermore, television box is both an educator and entertainer for children. Many children watch television to enjoy and pursue their hobbies. Most common hobbies are singing and dancing and culinary activities, which are enhanced by watching different television programs for example, a famous singer has revealed that 25% of participants took part in the reality singing competition are inspired by watching singer on the television set and without any guidance. Hence, the TV set is a great platform young stars to explore their talents. In conclusion, I would like to reinstate that television aids in overall growth of the child's body and mind and give many opportunities to consider their hobbies as career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and its viewing has been a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
activity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them. Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
station can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
and will discuss the development of a child's intelligence and awareness and
also
is a major source of an enjoyment

To embark with, TV has a great benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and connect about the physical happening in their modern faced society. This is an implication that when a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
a significant program
that is
educational, informative and value promoted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
will increase their intellectual growth.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
'
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bournvita
Quiz Contest'
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
by Discovery channel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
brain power and an ability of reasoning. Another fortunate development is an elevation in awareness regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
common social issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
advertisements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
raise voice against problems such
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
as deforestation of trees and wastage of water, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
future generations to stay active and alert.
Thus
, the idiot box is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to solve multiple issues.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
box is both an educator and entertainer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to enjoy and pursue their hobbies. Most common hobbies are singing and dancing and culinary activities, which
are enhanced
by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs
for example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer has revealed that 25% of participants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in the reality singing competition
are inspired
by watching singer on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set and without any guidance.
Hence
, the TV set is a great platform young stars to explore their talents.

In conclusion
, I would like to reinstate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
aids in
overall
growth of the child's body and mind and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to consider their hobbies as career
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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