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The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993 Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below v.2

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993 Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below v. 2
While some people argue that students should be forced to learn subjects that will be useful in the future, I believe that it would be better if students could study the courses of their choice. There are various reasons why people assume that universities should offer just the subject areas that will useful in the future. In digital century, people may think that courses such as information technology, business management or even medicine and engineering will more practical than art subjects. Because these courses would bring better lives of students with more job opportunity, career progression and high salaries. On the social level, by forcing people to choose particular university subjects, government can ensure that any knowledge and skills gaps in the economy are covered. Additionally, focusing on technology would lead to new inventions, economic growth and greater future prosperity. Despite of these arguments above, I believe that student in university should be free to choose their interested areas of courses. Firstly, allowing students select what subjects they are fascinated would motivate them being studious to get the best outcome. Secondly, we all do not certainly know what skill or knowledge would be preferred in the future, so that could be risky if students choose the wrong subject areas. For example, the employers could value creative thinking skills above practical or technical skills in the future; if this was the case, students focusing on art and philosophy would have more job opportunity than on science or technology. Finally, society will benefit more if our students are passionate about what they are learning. In conclusion, while it may seem sensible if universities focus just on the most useful subjects, I believe that students should have the right to study whatever they like.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be forced
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will be useful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I believe that it would be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of their choice.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
areas that will useful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In digital century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
such as information technology, business management or even medicine and engineering will more practical than art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
would bring better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with more job opportunity, career progression and high salaries. On the social level, by forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can ensure that any knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
gaps in the economy
are covered
.
Additionally
, focusing on technology would lead to new inventions, economic growth and greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
prosperity.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
these arguments above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should be free to choose their interested areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
Firstly
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
select what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they
are fascinated
would motivate them being studious to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best outcome.
Secondly
, we all do not
certainly
know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
or knowledge would
be preferred
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that could be risky if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
areas.
For example
, the employers could value creative thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
above practical or technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
; if this was the case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focusing on art and philosophy would have more job opportunity than on science or technology.
Finally
, society will benefit more if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are passionate about what they are learning.

In conclusion
, while it may seem sensible if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on the most useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have the right to study whatever they like.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993 Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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