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The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v.1

The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v. 1
To overcome the problems related to railways, it is suggested that the Government should allocate more budget for developing better rail tracks compared to roads and I completely agree with this idea for two main reasons. I believe that investing more in the railways would be beneficial in several ways. Firstly, travelling by train is much safer, less time consuming, cheaper and overall environment friendly. For example, my country India, having huge a population of poor and middle class people, and massive traffic congestion problems, highly rely on its railway transport system to facilitate its dwellers. Every day, millions of daily commuters use this expended mode for commuting. On the other hand, if the same proportion of people had travelled through roads, governments would need approximately five times wider roads. Secondly, in developing countries like India, where railways are entirely government undertaking, spending higher in this sector will not only generate more revenue, but also helps the state to facility very large number of people. Lastly, the cost of developing railway tracks is quite high, and this is even higher for making special tracks for bullet trains. These tracks help in making rail travelling safer, faster and reliable. However, overlooking them could be a big hindrance in developing an efficient railway transport system. To conclude, I believe that investing higher does not mean that governments are going to neglect the progress of roads. Keeping in view the aforesaid benefits, I believe that government should assign the higher amount of funds for developing rails compared roads
To overcome the problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
, it
is suggested
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should allocate more budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
better rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for two main reasons.

I believe that investing more in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
would be beneficial in several ways.
Firstly
, travelling by train is much safer, less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
, cheaper and
overall
environment friendly.
For example
, my country India, having huge a population of poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and massive traffic congestion problems,
highly
rely on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transport system to facilitate its dwellers. Every day, millions of daily commuters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this expended mode for commuting.
On the other hand
, if the same proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had travelled through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
would need approximately five times wider roads.

Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries like India, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
are
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
undertaking, spending higher in this sector will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generate more revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the state to facility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Lastly
, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
is quite high, and this is even higher for making special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
for bullet trains. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in making rail travelling safer, faster and reliable.
However
, overlooking them could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hindrance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transport system.

To conclude
, I believe that investing higher does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are going to neglect the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. Keeping in view the aforesaid benefits, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should assign the higher amount of funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
rails compared
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
roads
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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