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The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year.
Our lives, from the day we are born till the day we pass away, are filled with unpredictable situations which sometimes can be psychotropic for us. But we have two options in these cases, either accept them or do our best and try to improve them. In this essay I will discuss both views. Firstly, by admitting being in a bad position and coping with it, it can give you the opportunity to move on and fulfil your life with things that really matter to you. Moreover, it can make you realize the mistakes that brought you there, so that they can be avoided in the future, making you a more considerate person. To illustrate, the university of Cambridge conducted a survey in the year 2020 and found out that more that 40% of the population is following a career pathway they do not desire, but are happy with their life because they have learnt valuable lessons that will provide them with personal growth in the time to come. Overcoming a challenging affair, secondly, can be really constructive for the individuals physical and mental health. Most people in these difficult cases find themselves trapped in a reality they did not except, so by finding a way to improve this they become joyful and for once, have a life purpose. Furthermore, this gives them the opportunity to become the best version of themselves, ensuring them a long lasting and healthy life. For example, a survey carried out by a global organization, has shown that people in underdeveloped countries that have no job and live in poverty are happier than most of us, because they are not forced in any position, like pursuing a career or hustling to make the most money. In conclusion, some circumstances cannot be avoided. But it's up to us to understand what has more to offer us, as a person. In my opinion, taking control over demanding situations, is a step closer to a better life.
Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, from the day we
are born
till the day we pass away,
are filled
with unpredictable situations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can be psychotropic for us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we have two options in these cases, either accept them or do our best and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them. In this essay I will discuss both views.

Firstly
, by admitting being in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
position and coping with it, it can give you the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on and fulfil your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with things that
really
matter to you.
Moreover
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you realize the mistakes that brought you there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
be avoided
in the future, making you a more considerate person. To illustrate, the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
university of Cambridge
conducted a survey in the year 2020 and found out that more that 40% of the population is following a career pathway they do not desire,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
valuable lessons that will provide them with personal growth in the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

Overcoming a challenging affair,
secondly
, can be
really
constructive for the individuals physical and mental health. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these difficult cases find themselves trapped in a reality they did not except,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by finding a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this they become joyful and for once, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
purpose.
Furthermore
, this gives them the opportunity to become the best version of themselves, ensuring them a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, a survey carried out by a global organization, has shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in underdeveloped countries that have no job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty are happier than most of us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not forced in any position, like pursuing a career or hustling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most money.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances cannot
be avoided
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it's up to us to understand what has more to offer us, as a person. In my opinion, taking control over demanding situations, is a step closer to a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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