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The graph below shows the number of movie tickets sold around the world each year from 1980 to 2010 Ticket sales acoording to genre are presented in millions Summirise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where v.1

The graph below shows the number of movie tickets sold around the world each year from 1980 to 2010 Ticket sales acoording to genre are presented in millions Summirise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where v. 1
Undoubtedly, with the advancement of technology, parenting and upbringing kids have become a hot debate in societies. Since the number of young parents and following on nuclear families are in rise, many scientists emphasize the importance of parenting training course for both fathers and mothers. I personally agree with this idea due to some reasons that will be argued in this essay. To begin with, proper parents should have easy access to great a deal of knowledge and dedication that lack of them can lead to catastrophic outcomes. The parents who participate in the parenting training course are more likely to bringing up children who their behaviour complies with standards of living. Many parents, especially from the countryside are more oblivious to consequences of wrong methods of raising children. Therefore, attending in this course where experts share their opinions on different aspects of child fostering and right parenting can broaden the horizons of the parents. Indeed, these courses raise parents’ awareness about all the aspects of offspring’s life in terms of social, educational, medical, psychological and behavioural and, in turn parents learn to use a right reaction to the children’s behaviour. From the other hand, attending both fathers and mothers in these courses provide a unique experience for fathers to find a sense of responsibility. The role of fathers in raising a child should be taken into consideration. In recent years, because of more financial issues, fathers have less time for spending time with their children’s, and sometimes are compelled to be at work all of their time, therefore, the children who are raised in these families are suffering from lack of self-esteem, uncertainty, unable to making the decision, unable to making friends, choosing a job and so on. Therefore, this course can help fathers to understand their role as an indispensable part of raising children. To sum up, due to the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that it is indeed a good idea for people to participate in the parenting training course.
Undoubtedly
, with the advancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
and upbringing kids have become a hot debate in societies. Since the number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and following on nuclear families are in rise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists emphasize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and mothers. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that will
be argued
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have easy access to great a deal of knowledge and dedication that lack of them can lead to catastrophic outcomes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
are more likely to bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
complies with standards of living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
from the countryside are more oblivious to consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
methods of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, attending in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
where experts share their opinions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of child fostering and right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
can broaden the horizons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Indeed
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
awareness about all the aspects of offspring’s life in terms of social, educational, medical, psychological and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
and, in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a right reaction to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

From the other hand, attending both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and mothers in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide a unique experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
to find a sense of responsibility. The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
in raising a child should
be taken
into consideration. In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more financial issues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
have less time for spending time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are compelled
to be at work all of their time,
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are raised
in these families are suffering from lack of self-esteem, uncertainty, unable to making the decision, unable to making friends, choosing a job and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
to understand their role as an indispensable part of raising children.

To sum up, due to the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that it is
indeed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The graph below shows the number of movie tickets sold around the world each year from 1980 to 2010 Ticket sales acoording to genre are presented in millions Summirise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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