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The figure gives information about smoking habit of the UK population by age Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The figure gives information about smoking habit of the UK population by age
These days, many employees are working from their home rather than from the office in order to have much more time for them. However, I believe that this trend has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, doing a job from home has many positive features in employees’ life. Firstly, most employees could save the money which they expense of commuting from home to office. Due to the fact that they live far from their workplace and have to commute daily which could make them spend a quarter of their salary. Hence, if they are working from their home, they will save such transport expenses. Secondly, such employees would have enough time for pursuing their hobbies. For instance, if they work from their office on a daily basis, they will not have enough time to do extra-curricular activities such as learning piano or guitar, painting, etc. Therefore, in my opinion, such positive features bring a positive trend in employees’ life. On the other hand, this development has many negative aspects. One of the negative features is there would be fewer chances for getting a promotion. As most of the employees would be working from their home, employers could not notice the effort of such employees, resulting in very few chances for their promotions. Another negative aspect is that missing office ambience and colleagues. For example, a survey conducted by the HR department of Infosys Company found that 85% of their employees who were working from their home were actually missing the atmosphere of the office and their colleagues who are working with them in the same department. Hence, I would argue that such drawbacks lead to negative development. In conclusion, I think that doing work from own house brings positive trend such as saving daily transport expenses and give quality time to hobbies, whereas, in my opinion, the negative developments are missing our office friends and the atmosphere of own office.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their home
rather
than from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
in order to have much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them.
However
, I believe that this trend has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspects.

On the one hand, doing a job from home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
features in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
life.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could save the money which they expense of commuting from home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
. Due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from their workplace and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute daily which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them spend a quarter of their salary.
Hence
, if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their home, they will save such transport expenses.
Secondly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for pursuing their hobbies.
For instance
, if they work from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
on a daily basis, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do extra-curricular activities such as learning piano or guitar, painting, etc.
Therefore
, in my opinion, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
features bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
life.

On the other hand
, this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspects. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
features is there would be fewer chances for getting a promotion. As most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their home, employers could not notice the effort of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few chances for their promotions. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspect is that missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
ambience and colleagues.
For example
, a survey conducted by the HR department of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infosys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
found that 85% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their home were actually missing the atmosphere of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
and their colleagues who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with them in the same department.
Hence
, I would argue that such drawbacks lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that doing work from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
trend such as saving daily transport expenses and give quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to hobbies, whereas, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
developments are missing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
friends and the atmosphere of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The figure gives information about smoking habit of the UK population by age

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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