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describe an event such as a holiday or other occasion that you enjoy celebrating explain why the event is significant to you include details and examples to support your explanation v.1

describe an event such as a holiday or other occasion that you enjoy celebrating explain why the event is significant to you include details and examples to support your explanation v. 1
In recent years, more and more people have been gathering in town-centric areas for advanced facilities and benefits. There is no doubt that cities are getting densely populated and busier than ever, generating more problems for the urban population. This essay will highlight some of the demerits from this approach and explore the reasons, whether the government help people shifting to staple towns. One concern is that residents in the large cities are undoubtedly not receiving the same treatment, especially in terms of environment, which they used to have a couple of decades before. Thus, it is indeed unfortunate a few urban dwellers are falling sicker than before because of the increased rate of pollution. To give an illustrative example, a recent Harvard University study in late 2015 has revealed that newborn babies in top 10 cities are born with breathing problems for the quality of air. Furthermore, people, ensuring a better city life are approximately spending twice or thrice the amount compared to a rural lifestyle. The government, therefore, should definitely discourage the pool of migrant workers to come to urban areas because this approach will gear towards an imbalanced situation. As people would chase after one type of monotonous city-based jobs, many crucial sectors, such as agriculture, food, tourism, and so forth might feel the scarcity of human resources. Furthermore, these job-seeking enthusiasts cannot secure a delightful future like they use to possess, despite investing money and time. As an illustration, a villager can barely imagine to buy a house resembling his/her old one in a city area due to overprice and urbanisation. In conclusion, as residents living in towns are facing acute disadvantages not only with pollution, but also with overpriced life, the authority should impede the wave of incoming people to stop creating any imbalanced economy.
In recent years, more and more
people
have been gathering in town-centric areas for advanced facilities and benefits. There is no doubt that
cities
are getting
densely
populated and busier than ever, generating more problems for the urban population. This essay will highlight
some of the
demerits from this approach and explore the reasons, whether the
government
help
people
shifting to staple towns.

One concern is that residents in the large
cities
are
undoubtedly
not receiving the same treatment,
especially
in terms of environment, which they
used
to have a couple of decades
before
.
Thus
, it is
indeed
unfortunate a few urban dwellers are falling sicker than
before
because
of the increased rate of pollution. To give an illustrative example, a recent Harvard University study in late 2015 has revealed that newborn babies in top 10
cities
are born
with breathing problems for the quality of air.
Furthermore
,
people
, ensuring a better city life are approximately spending twice or thrice the amount compared to a rural lifestyle.

The
government
,
therefore
, should definitely discourage the pool of migrant workers to
come
to urban areas
because
this approach will gear towards an imbalanced situation. As
people
would chase after one type of monotonous city-based jobs,
many
crucial sectors, such as agriculture, food, tourism, and
so
forth might feel the scarcity of human resources.
Furthermore
, these job-seeking enthusiasts cannot secure a delightful future like they
use to
possess, despite investing money and time. As an illustration, a villager can
barely
imagine to
buy
a
house
resembling his/her
old
one in a city area due to overprice and
urbanisation
.

In conclusion
, as residents living in towns are facing acute disadvantages not
only
with pollution,
but
also
with overpriced life, the authority should impede the wave of incoming
people
to
stop
creating any imbalanced economy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay describe an event such as a holiday or other occasion that you enjoy celebrating explain why the event is significant to you include details and examples to support your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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