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The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, v.1

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.
Shopping was generally considered as an everyday fulfilling needs and it is thought to be entertaining as a secondary function. Nowadays, many things are changing due to social and economical development. In this essay, I will explore the pros and cons of this phenomenon and give own opinion. On the positive side, shopping satisfies people’s needs. Apart from that, needs can vary, it depends on an individual’s opportunities. Things considered as luxuries in the past, now they are taken as granted. For instance, cell phones are must-have for everyone. The less people are now in need today. Therefore, they are able to buy everything they want for their own pleasure. Shopping as a hobby includes buying clothes from the last collection, or new technological devices, and so on. Psychologists often recommend their clients to have some shopping to overcome stress. On the negative side, shopping has its pitfalls. It has risen the consumerist society. This type of society makes people more dependent on money and buying. There is also a disease called compulsive buying disorder (CBD), or oniomania, that is characterized shopping obsession. Buying disorder is coming from anxiety and low self-esteem, and it needs proper psychological treatment rather than buying too many things. However, shopping is more of a good thing than bad. The harm of shopping is determined by an individual's attitude to this phenomenon. A healthy person will perceive it as a hobby, and an insecure and dependent person will perceive it as a solution to all their problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
was
generally
considered as an everyday fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be entertaining as a secondary function. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things are changing due to social and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
development. In this essay, I will explore the pros and cons of this phenomenon and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
satisfies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
can vary, it depends on an individual’s opportunities. Things considered as luxuries in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
are taken
as granted.
For instance
, cell phones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
-have for everyone. The
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Therefore
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything they want for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pleasure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
as a hobby includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
clothes from the last collection, or new technological devices, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Psychologists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
recommend their clients to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
to overcome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has its pitfalls. It has risen the consumerist society. This type of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more dependent on money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
. There is
also
a disease called compulsive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
disorder (CBD), or
Possible spelling mistake found.
oniomania
, that
is characterized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
obsession.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buying
disorder is coming from anxiety and low self-esteem, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
proper psychological treatment
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is more of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. The harm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is determined
by an individual's attitude to this phenomenon. A healthy person will perceive it as a hobby, and an insecure and dependent person will perceive it as a solution to all their problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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