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The graph shows level of online shopping by age group for different times of the day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The graph shows level of online shopping by age group for different times of the day.
The line graph shows the percentage of shopping on the Internet in the different period of the day by five groups of age from 16 to over 60 years old in 2015. Overall, the number of sales in most of age groups start to increase remarkably from 9 a. m and the time has the most of the sales is between 6 pm to 8 pm and then it decreases dramatically from 10 am to the midnight. However, over-60-years-old group has some differences with the others, the quantity of customers in this group changes in a fluctuation. Firstly, age group from 25-34 years old has a large number of sales in almost time of the day in comparison with another groups. There is a considerable rise from 9 am and then peak at approximately 32% of sales. Secondly, 3 age groups include 16-24, 35-44 and 45-59 have similarity in their growth but the group 35-44 has a sharp increase start at 4 pm and reach a maximum rate of online shopping about 30%. Finally, the level of online shopping in group over 60 years old fluctuates between 9 am and 2 pm. It hit a peak at 9 am about 20% and it start to decline notably from 2 pm to the midnight.
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of shopping on the Internet in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
period of the day by five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 16 to over 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 2015.

Overall
, the number of sales in most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to increase
remarkably
from 9 a. m and the time has the most of the sales is between 6 pm to 8 pm and then it decreases
dramatically
from 10 am to the midnight.
However
, over-60-years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences with the others, the quantity of customers in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in a fluctuation.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
from 25-34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
sales in almost time of the day
in comparison
with another
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groups
. There is a considerable rise from 9 am and then peak at approximately 32% of sales.

Secondly
, 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
include 16-24, 35-44 and 45-59 have similarity in their growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
35-44 has a sharp increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at 4 pm and reach a maximum rate of online shopping about 30%.

Finally
, the level of online shopping in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
over 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fluctuates between 9 am and 2 pm. It hit a peak at 9 am about 20% and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to decline
notably
from 2 pm to the midnight.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows level of online shopping by age group for different times of the day.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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