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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and ex v.616

The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and ex v. 616
It is undeniable that happiness is an essential part of life. People always seek the things that make them happy. Individuals need to establish good relationships to be more pleased and fortunate. While some people try to make more friends and extend diverse relationships, I am not convinced by this idea. From my vantage point, keeping our long-term relationships is more advantageous and makes us happier, since old friends share common things to us and are more prone to support us. Firstly, while people keep their old friends, they have the opportunity to share their feelings and concerns to them, since their long-term relationship enriched their cognition of them and they are so familiar with different aspects of their personality. Furthermore, old interactions made some memories and reminding them, would be enjoyable for friends. For example, my classmate in elementary school and I are friends for almost 20 years. We have so much things to share and precious memories that worthy to recall. It is a desirable friendship for me and I do my bests to maintain it rather than making efforts to find some new friends who have not any common things with me. In addition, keeping long-term connections would give people the chance to be supported by their friends. As long as individuals keep their loyal friends, they would benefit from their helps and sympathies in challenging situations. For example, my best friend who I know her for a long time gave me a good recommendation letter that I could get a decent job easily. Moreover, people can count on their old friends when they are in trouble. For example, the other day I stuck in a bathroom at a mall and I called my best friend and she saved me. To conclude, a good feeling is a natural result of keeping old valuable communications. Therefore, people need to keep their old pals, since they share worthy memories and supportive. So, stop spending time to find new companions and try to make your old friend delightful.
It is undeniable that happiness is an essential part of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always seek the things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them happy. Individuals need to establish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
to be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
and fortunate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and extend diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
, I am not convinced by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. From my vantage point, keeping our long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
is more advantageous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us happier, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
common things to us and are more prone to support us.

Firstly
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, they have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their feelings and concerns to them, since their long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
enriched their cognition of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of their personality.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
interactions made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
memories and reminding them, would be enjoyable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
For example
, my classmate in elementary school and I are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
for almost 20 years. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
and precious memories that worthy to recall. It is a desirable friendship for me and I do my bests to maintain it
rather
than making efforts to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who have not any common things with me.

In addition
, keeping long-term connections would give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the chance to
be supported
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. As long as individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, they would benefit from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
and sympathies in challenging situations.
For example
, my best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who I know her for a long time gave me a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
recommendation letter that I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent job
easily
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can count on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
when they are in trouble.
For example
, the other day I stuck in a bathroom at a mall and I called my best
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friend and
she saved me.

To conclude
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feeling is a natural result of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
valuable communications.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
pals, since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
worthy memories and supportive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending time to find new companions and try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
delightful.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and ex v. 616

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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