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The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v.1

The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v. 1
The majority of people said that it is a vitally important way to enhance staff's productivity as contributing opportunities to participate subsidised healthy pursuits. However, it is not straightforward decision to some extent, and there are arguments on both sides which we will debate here. On the one hand, those who support the subsidised membership of physical activity are citing possible evidence that such consistent mobilities as running, power-lifting and swimming can be impressive in progression of intellectual potential, meaning that these exercises occasionally regulate our stress, depression and other issues referred to psychology. Furthermore, it is claimed by proponents of this view that sport training to some degree would encourage staff's self-assistance due to their reflection that they can be healthier, and thus improve their job satisfaction which is itself a motivating factor. To the supporters of the idea, these benefits are convincing. Conversely, opponents of leisure-based subsidies are highlighting some situation where workers cannot be fitted or less stressed because of their variety of interests, especially in today work and life balance perfectly dominated world. In other words, there are some people who desire to consume their holiday time with their families rather than aspiring the outdoor activities. Moreover, critics of day release programmes in sport centre are citing some drawbacks occurring if employers face a challenge to measure their benefits, particularly in performance reviews and appraisals, and considering that more motivation ideas such as pay increments, perks and financial bonuses may even help to achieve target-related aims. Overall, it is reasonable to me that accounting employee's life situation and what is more practical for workers is the initial factor in determining way to be efficient in the workplace. And company's human resource needs to be ready to receive a variety of offers.
The majority of
people
said that it is a
vitally
important
way to enhance staff's productivity as contributing opportunities to participate
subsidised
healthy pursuits.
However
, it is not straightforward decision to
some
extent, and there are arguments on both sides which we will debate here.

On the one hand, those who support the
subsidised
membership of physical activity are citing possible evidence that such consistent mobilities as running, power-lifting and swimming can be impressive in progression of intellectual potential, meaning that these exercises
occasionally
regulate our
stress
, depression and other issues referred to psychology.
Furthermore
, it
is claimed
by proponents of this view that sport training to
some
degree would encourage staff's self-assistance due to their reflection that they can be healthier, and
thus
improve
their job satisfaction which is itself a motivating factor. To the supporters of the
idea
, these benefits are convincing.

Conversely
, opponents of leisure-based subsidies are highlighting
some
situation where workers cannot
be fitted
or less
stressed
because
of their variety of interests,
especially
in
today
work and life balance
perfectly
dominated world.
In other words
, there are
some
people
who desire to consume their holiday time with their families
rather
than aspiring the outdoor activities.
Moreover
, critics of day release
programmes
in sport
centre
are citing
some
drawbacks occurring if employers face a challenge to measure their benefits,
particularly
in performance reviews and appraisals, and considering that more motivation
ideas
such as pay increments, perks and financial bonuses may even
help
to achieve target-related aims.

Overall
, it is reasonable to me that accounting employee's life situation and
what is more
practical for workers is the initial factor in determining way to be efficient in the workplace. And
company
's human resource needs to be ready to receive a variety of offers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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