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The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. v.1

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
Some scientists have predicted the possibility of people living for longer years. Although this could be soothing to hear, but it may have a serious effect on the society at large, while this innovation will allow people to spend more quality time with their families and also achieve more with their careers, we shouldn't fail to recognise the bad impact it would have on the society. Certainly, there are some advantages in people living longer than usual. Firstly, people could have more pleasure living the life they envisage and spend more valuable time with their loved ones such as, trying to live a different lifestyle. Furthermore, people could contribute more to their community development if they have a longer lifespan. For example, there is an adage that says "the more we live the more we learn" people could discover a permanent cure to a killer disease like AIDS and Cancer. Nonetheless, allowing people to live for 150 years could pose a greater challenge. People might be unhealthy in their later years because part of their body organs will be weak and might not function properly. For instance, old age comes with different kinds of diseases such as diabetes, kidney failure and so on. Also, an increase in the older population may put pressure on the social welfare system such as, wasting society's resources on the elderly instead of concentrating on the younger ones. In conclusion, the beneficial aspect of allowing people to live for long cannot be compared to the damage it will cause to people's health and the society at large.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scientists have predicted the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living for longer years. Although this could be soothing to hear,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may have a serious effect on the society at large, while this innovation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend more quality time with their families and
also
achieve more with their careers, we shouldn't fail to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact it would have on the society.

Certainly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living longer than usual.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have more pleasure living the life they envisage and spend more valuable time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones such as, trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyle.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could contribute more to their community development if they have a longer lifespan.
For example
, there is an adage that says
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the more we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the more we learn
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could discover a permanent cure to a killer disease like AIDS and Cancer.

Nonetheless, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for 150 years could pose a greater challenge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might be unhealthy in their later years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
part of their body organs will be weak and might not function
properly
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of diseases such as diabetes, kidney failure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, an increase in the older population may put pressure on the social welfare system such as, wasting society's resources on the elderly
instead
of concentrating on the younger ones.

In conclusion
, the beneficial aspect of allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for long cannot
be compared
to the damage it will cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health and the society at large.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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