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The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v.1

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 1
Now adays, certain group of people argue that cycling has opted to be the best way to travel inside the city. Although, some folks are still convinced with the cars. In my view, apart from comfort, exhaust gasses release a huge amount of pollutants to the atmosphere. Indeed, it is vital to introduce; Eco, friendly transportations. Firstly, automobiles are the modern transportation around the world. Although, cars emit emissions, it is the most preferred way to go around. Over the years cars have been helping humans in different ways. Especially being fast from one point to another. Furthermore, travel cost has become reliable for any walks of people while an automobile with the likeness of comfort and style is at an affordable price. As a result, townsfolk dependency on a personal vehicle have been obvious for people's convenience. In contrast, the popularity of Automotives has been emitting tons of air pollutants in which the need for an Eco friendly travelling mode is, indeed. Among other competitors, bicycles have caught the first impression. Since, it occupies a small amount of road space on the move and the convenience when parking. Furthermore, "municipalities", financial inducement on redesigning parking facilities has declined as a result. In addition, reduction in noise pollution is a healthy advantage for the towns peoples well being. Particularly, cycling has given the opportunity for the city folks to keep them fit along with their busy schedules. Therefore, cycling can reduce city traffic and pollution in the city which is an overall benefit to the towns. In my opinion, alternative travel modes such as bicycles are good to implement in metropolitan areas as they produce quite a few amount of pollutions comparing with cars. City councils should impose additional tax on vehicles used in the cities and increment on parking ticket prices will gradually reduce the usage of cars in cities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
Possible spelling mistake found.
adays
, certain group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that cycling has opted to be the best way to travel inside the city.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks are
still
convinced with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. In my view, apart from comfort, exhaust gasses release a huge amount of pollutants to the atmosphere.
Indeed
, it is vital to introduce; Eco, friendly transportations.

Firstly
, automobiles are the modern transportation around the world. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
emit emissions, it is the most preferred way to go around. Over the years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have been helping humans in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
Especially
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
from one point to another.
Furthermore
, travel cost has become reliable for any walks of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while an automobile with the likeness of comfort and style is at an affordable price.
As a result
, townsfolk dependency on a personal vehicle have been obvious for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's convenience.

In contrast
, the popularity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Automotives
has been emitting tons of air pollutants in which the need for an Eco friendly travelling mode is,
indeed
. Among other competitors, bicycles have caught the
first
impression. Since, it occupies a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of road space on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and the convenience when parking.
Furthermore
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
municipalities
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, financial inducement on redesigning parking facilities has declined
as a result
.
In addition
, reduction in noise pollution is a healthy advantage for the towns peoples
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
Particularly
, cycling has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity for the city folks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit along with their busy schedules.
Therefore
, cycling can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
city traffic and pollution in the city which is an
overall
benefit to the towns.

In my opinion, alternative travel modes such as bicycles are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to implement in metropolitan areas as they produce quite a
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "few amounts".
few amount
of pollutions comparing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. City councils should impose additional tax on vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and increment on parking ticket prices will
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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