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If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v.1

If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v. 1
In some countries, it is believed by some that spending great amounts of money on building new railway lines as a mean of rapid transportation between cities is a vital act, while, others believe that spending money on enhancing existing public transport is far more necessary. In my opinion, governments should work on both aspects, in order to rise, they need to work on advancing their existing public transport, and then, add more features by building new railway lines. Firstly, we need to realize the essential role of public transportation, and its great impact on the income of the country, and its relative impact on the environment too. To elaborate; countries could advance their public transport by regularly checking their maintenance, hiring expert drivers, putting accurate timetables for the arrival and departure times of buses and trains. Doing these acts would significantly decrease the amount of traffic in cities and would encourage people to use public transportation instead of using their personal cars, hence, it would increase the country's income. Having a cleaner environment could also be achieved by replacing current buses and trains with newer electrical ones, this would considerably drop the amount of gasoline and carbon dioxide emission in the air. Secondly, providing a mean of rapid transit between cities has some positive implications too, for instance, it would make life easier for people living in any city and working in another one or visiting people in other cities, it would remarkably save their time. In addition, it will encourage young people to enrol in any university they'd like in the country, without worrying about having to move out. To conclude, I strongly believe that the country's budget should be fairly distributed for improving already existent public transport, and for constructing new means of fast conveyance systems between cities.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that spending great amounts of money on building new railway lines as a mean of rapid transportation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is a vital act, while, others believe that spending money on enhancing existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
is far more necessary. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should work on both aspects, in order to rise, they need to work on advancing their existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
, and then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more features by building new railway lines.

Firstly
, we need to realize the essential role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation, and its great impact on the income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and its relative impact on the environment too. To elaborate;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could advance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
by
regularly
checking their maintenance, hiring expert drivers, putting accurate timetables for the arrival and departure times of buses and trains. Doing these acts would
significantly
decrease the amount of traffic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
instead
of using their personal cars,
hence
, it would increase the country's income. Having a cleaner environment could
also
be achieved
by replacing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
buses and trains with newer electrical ones, this would
considerably
drop the amount of gasoline and carbon dioxide emission in the air.

Secondly
, providing a mean of rapid transit between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications too,
for instance
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in any city and working in another one or visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, it would
remarkably
save their time.
In addition
, it will encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enrol in any university they'd like in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, without worrying about having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the country's budget should be
fairly
distributed for improving already existent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
, and for constructing new means of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
conveyance systems between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay If you were the president of the United State, which of the following would you choose to do, and explain why. 1) build more schools, 2) provide more funding for public transportation3) create more public parks. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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