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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is the responsibility of the government to provide health care to everyone living in that country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.229

It is the responsibility of the government to provide health care to everyone living in that country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 229
Nowadays it is usual to believe that practical skills are more relevant than instruction, and this way of thinking will be translated into an underestimation of the theoretical knowledge by headhunters in the future. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that academic qualifications will ever become unnecessary. On the one hand, we can analyse that, even in manual jobs such as cleaning or agricultural field in which practical skills are essential, theoretical knowledge is indispensable for getting a rise. We have to admit that anyone wants to increase its own salary doing the same effort, so education can be the key to a better life. The world shows us so many examples of personal growth: bricklayers studying during the nights to become architects or secretaries applying to a position in some law universities. On the other hand, formal education is not enough for being successful. It is impossible to imagine a lawyer or a doctor that spent so many years of their youth and a lot of money to graduate from the best universities around without any expertise in their own field. This is the reason why is asked by all educational institutions to their students certain number of hours of curricular internship. During this period of time, undergraduate will be able to experiment how the real world works and all practical abilities needed to carry out a responsibility In conclusion, instruction is as necessary as practical skills and it can be verified in all the professions. Education is not only the theoretical base of any employee, but also is the tool to improve the position inside of a company.
Nowadays it is usual to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are more relevant than instruction, and this way of thinking will
be translated
into an underestimation of the theoretical knowledge by headhunters in the future.
Nevertheless
, it is unlikely that academic qualifications will ever become unnecessary.

On the one hand, we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
that, even in manual jobs such as cleaning or agricultural field in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are essential, theoretical knowledge is indispensable for getting a rise. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that anyone wants to increase its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
salary doing the same effort,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
education can be the key to a better life. The world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of personal growth: bricklayers studying during the nights to become architects or secretaries applying to a position in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
law universities.

On the other hand
, formal education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for being successful. It is impossible to imagine a lawyer or a doctor that spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of their youth and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to graduate from the best universities around without any expertise in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field. This is the reason why
is asked
by all educational institutions to their students certain number of hours of curricular internship. During this period of time, undergraduate will be able to experiment how the real world works and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
abilities needed to carry out a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
responsibility


In conclusion
, instruction is as necessary as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and it can
be verified
in all the professions. Education is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the theoretical base of any employee,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is the tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the position
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is the responsibility of the government to provide health care to everyone living in that country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 229

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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