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Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v.1

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v. 1
In ancient times, sports used to be considered a juvenile activity which was only confined to parks and indoors. While today sports have pushed the boundaries and have attracted national and international audiences and players. So, there is no denying that sports have the power to unite the world and maintain global peace and I completely agree with this viewpoint. Undoubtedly, sports at international level play a sterling role in diplomatic relations among different nations. Owing to historical or political reasons, not all the countries are at peace with each other. Admittedly, sports evoke the similar pleasure and satisfaction as a victory in war does but brings nations together. Moreover, global sports events can be an icebreaker as competitors from nations to create a common platform for global leaders, organizations, and athletes to interact in more convenient and sophisticated way. A good illustration is the Olympic games in which the whole world can be brought together and this has a positive impact on maintaining global harmony. Furthermore, sports evokes high nationalistic passions towards the country along with providing a platform for patriotic emotions to be released. It is a constructive way to exhibit one's patriotic emotions. Even, International game events such as Commonwealth games bring recognition to small countries. For instance, it is difficult to locate West Indies and Bermuda on the world map, however, they are well-known countries just because of their cricket teams which always participate in Cricket World Cup. By and large, the sport is the only activity which delivers a clear message of peace and paves the road to building world harmony. To reiterate, sports activity is a positive channelling of energy which kills negativity and brings peace and joy to the world.
In ancient times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be considered
a juvenile activity which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
confined to parks and indoors. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have pushed the boundaries and have attracted national and international audiences and players.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have the power to unite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at international level play a sterling role in diplomatic relations among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. Owing to historical or political reasons, not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
with each other.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
evoke the similar pleasure and satisfaction as a victory in war does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
brings nations together.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can be an icebreaker as competitors from nations to create a common platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
leaders, organizations, and athletes to interact in more convenient and sophisticated way. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration is the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
in which the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can
be brought
together and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
harmony.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
evokes high nationalistic passions towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
along with providing a platform for patriotic emotions to
be released
. It is a constructive way to exhibit one's patriotic emotions. Even, International game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Commonwealth games bring recognition to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, it is difficult to locate West Indies and Bermuda on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
map,
however
, they are well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their cricket teams which always participate in Cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup. By and large, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activity which delivers a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
message of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and paves the road to building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
harmony.

To reiterate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
channelling of energy which kills negativity and brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and joy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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