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the graph shows anual no of rides taken on two forms of public trasportation in the city of williamsville v.1

the graph shows anual no of rides taken on two forms of public trasportation in the city of williamsville v. 1
Nowadays people rarely communicate with their neighbours and this has a negative impact on building society. Although the modern man’s lifestyle has been changed hectically and families are more cautious about their privacy, there are still some ways for being sociable in the neighbourhood. This essay will examine the main causes of loss of sociability and possible solutions of this problem. In my point of view, to live in the industrialized world has made us spend more hours away from home, so we have less free time, which is mostly allocated to relaxing and concerning family matters rather than engaging with neighbours. In addition, regarding the increased rate of crimes, people are not only more cautious about their surroundings, but also more suspicious of the strange people they encounter. Consequently, while friendly relationships between neighbours are fading, people have been isolated behind the closed doors. Some possible solutions to this problem are organizing social meetings and promoting the sense of community in the neighbourhood. By arranging public events and building social gathering places such as parks and recreation centres, we can improve taking part in the society and prevent community separation. Moreover, more positive news and events should have been highlighted in the local media, which have a crucial role in the forming a committed civil society. To conclude, people’s lifestyles that lead them to not communicate with their neighbours have a negative impact on community building. However, we can significantly increase sense of community in the society by encouraging neighbourhood meeting and optimistic attitude.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely communicate with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on building society. Although the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s lifestyle has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
hectically
and families are more cautious about their privacy, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways for being sociable in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. This essay will examine the main causes of loss of sociability and possible solutions of this problem.

In my point of view, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the industrialized world has made us spend more hours away from home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we have less free time, which is
mostly
allocated to relaxing and concerning family matters
rather
than engaging with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
In addition
, regarding the increased rate of crimes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more cautious about their surroundings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more suspicious of the strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they encounter.
Consequently
, while friendly relationships between
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are fading,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been isolated
behind the closed doors.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are organizing social meetings and promoting the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. By arranging public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and building social gathering places such as parks and recreation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
taking part in the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
separation.
Moreover
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
news and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should have
been highlighted
in the local media, which have a crucial role in the forming a committed civil society.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles that lead them to not communicate with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
building.
However
, we can
significantly
increase sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in the society by encouraging
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
meeting and optimistic attitude.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the graph shows anual no of rides taken on two forms of public trasportation in the city of williamsville v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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