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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: grades encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

: grades encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
In this day and age, social judgement is way different than it used to be in the past. During the medieval times, people were judged based on their values, such as trust, loyalty and honour. It was important to such an extent that warriors used to kill themselves in order to escape immoral actions, in a process called Honour Suicide. This judgement has changed drastically, mainly due to the dawn of the Industrial Revolution and the development of social media. Despite this shift, these "old-fashioned values" are still considered in some parts of our society. Concomitant with the creation of social networks and the growth of capitalism, personal possessions started to take a big part in the way people judge each other. In the social media world, usually the person that posts photos with luxury cars and expensive possessions, are viewed as happier and more successful in life. Besides that, in modern times, capitalism and acquisitive power, which were ramped up by the Industrial Revolution, have started to play a major role in social status and in the way people see each other. The richer someone is and the higher its social status is, the better this person's life is. However, this shallow way of judging others is not true in every part of our society. Some values considered old-fashioned are still taken into account when making someone's judgement. For instance, in job interviews, the social status and the material possessions a person have, has an insignificant importance on making a hire or no-hire decision. Values such as honesty, loyalty and kindness play a bigger role. In addition, in order to make long lasting relationships, either romantic or friendship, these values are also way more important than personal possessions and acquisitive power. In conclusion, shallow judgements are really common nowadays, mainly because of the superficial characters social networks show in their feeds. Nonetheless, people still take into consideration moral "old-fashioned" values in order to build healthy relationships and make big decisions. Therefore, the importance of values such as honor and kindness should be passed on from generation to generation so as to achieve a more successful future for other generations.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
judgement
is way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past. During the medieval times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were judged
based on their values, such as trust, loyalty and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to such an extent that warriors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to kill themselves in order to escape immoral actions, in a process called
Possible spelling mistake. 'Honour' is British English.
Honour
Suicide. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
judgement
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
,
mainly
due to the dawn of the Industrial Revolution and the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media. Despite this shift, these
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned values
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
are
still
considered in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of our society.

Concomitant with the creation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks and the growth of capitalism, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
judge each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media world,
usually
the person that posts photos with luxury cars and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
,
are viewed
as happier and more successful in life.
Besides
that, in modern times, capitalism and acquisitive power, which
were ramped
up by the Industrial Revolution, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to play a major role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status and in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. The richer someone is and the higher its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status is, the better this person's life is.

However
, this shallow way of judging others is not true in every part of our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
values considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned are
still
taken into account when making someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
judgement
.
For instance
, in job interviews, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
status and the material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
a person have, has an insignificant importance on making a hire or no-hire decision. Values such as honesty, loyalty and kindness play a bigger role.
In addition
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
relationships, either romantic or friendship, these values are
also
way more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
and acquisitive power.

In conclusion
, shallow judgements are
really
common nowadays,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the superficial characters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in their feeds. Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
take into consideration moral
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
values in order to build healthy relationships and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decisions.
Therefore
, the importance of values such as honor and kindness should
be passed
on from generation to generation
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
achieve a more successful future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
generations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : grades encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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