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64)Would you rather attend an amusement park designed with fast-moving roller coasters or one with slow-moving rides designed for children? Give reasons to support your point of view. v.1

64)Would you rather attend an amusement park designed with fast-moving roller coasters or one with slow-moving rides designed for children? Give reasons to support your point of view. v. 1
Motor car accidents are one of the major causes of adolescent deaths. To curb such crashes, the authorities should license adults above 23 years to drive motorbikes. In my opinion, I completely agree with the aforementioned view, as those older than 23 years are more mature minded, more enlightened, and they can be held responsible for their actions. Firstly, a good reason why leaders should only permit people over 23 to drive motorcycle is that they are more mature in their minds. This is to say, that adult of that age will make the best decision whether to take a risk on the road while driving. To illustrate, as a youngster, I thought that outrunning any vehicle on the highway was a show of bravery; hence, I overtook dangerously on the expressway, which would have resulted in a very fatal accident. This is why only adults of mature minds should be allowed to ride bikes. Secondly, older people are more enlightened, and are also aware of possible causes of bike accidents. In other words, they are knowledgeable of certain dangerous road's practices such as, exceeding the speed limit, performing certain stunts on the highway, and operating mobile phones, which can result in accidents or even death. Thus, they will avoid such practices while driving. Finally, people older than 23 can be held responsible by the government for their actions; therefore, they should be licensed to drive motorcycles. This is because, they are aware of the rules and regulations of the highway, and have attained the legal jail punishable age; hence, they would be more careful when driving motorbikes. To exemplify, the Guardian newspaper in 2017, reported that above 70% of the careful road users are adults above the age of 23. In summary, I believe that authorities that want to prevent road accidents associated with juvenile delinquency should only permit adults above 23 to drive motorcycles, as they are more mature in mind, aware of the possible causes of accidents, and are of the age of being held responsible for their actions.
Motor car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are one of the major causes of adolescent deaths. To curb such crashes, the authorities should license
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
23 years to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
motorbikes. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned view, as those older than 23 years are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
minded, more enlightened, and they can
be held
responsible for their actions.

Firstly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why leaders should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
permit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 23 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
motorcycle is that they are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
in their minds. This is to say, that adult of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision whether to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
on the road while driving. To illustrate, as a youngster, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that outrunning any vehicle on the highway was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
of bravery;
hence
, I overtook
dangerously
on the expressway, which would have resulted in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
. This is why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
minds should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to ride bikes.

Secondly
, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more enlightened, and are
also
aware of possible causes of bike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
In other words
, they are knowledgeable of certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
road's practices such as, exceeding the speed limit, performing certain stunts on the highway, and operating mobile phones, which can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
or even death.
Thus
, they will avoid such practices while driving.

Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
older than 23 can
be held
responsible by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for their actions;
therefore
, they should
be licensed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
motorcycles. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they are aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of the highway, and have attained the legal jail punishable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
;
hence
, they would be more careful when driving motorbikes. To exemplify, the Guardian newspaper in 2017, reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
70% of the careful road users are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 23.

In summary, I believe that authorities that want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
associated with juvenile delinquency should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
permit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
23 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drive
motorcycles, as they are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
in mind, aware of the possible causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
, and are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
being held
responsible for their actions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 64)Would you rather attend an amusement park designed with fast-moving roller coasters or one with slow-moving rides designed for children? Give reasons to support your point of view. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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