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The graph show the progress of milk production. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph show the progress of milk production.
A wide number of people would agree that the pain and agony a person has to undergo, while getting treated for the diseases is much more than the challenge he would have faced for taking measures to prevent it. Hence, I completely agree with the statement that the focus should be on investing time and effort on preventive measures. Although, mankind has found the root cause of many deadly diseases and now we know that, certain microscopic beings such as virus and bacteria are the cause of most of the diseases. These diseases spread because of improper hygienic conditions and infections from already infected people. The children are more prone to these infections. Hence, parents and schools should make children aware of these points. But, would giving bland lectures make this interesting for children? Hence, the use of techniques such as gamification of the lectures and digital aids should be encouraged, so that people along with children are able to connect the lectures with their day-to- day lives and get more interested in learning about diseases and their prevention. Furthermore, governments across the world are spending money in educating the citizens with the help of various channels, such as programs on television and radios. The sole purpose of these campaigns is to educate people about the precautions, which they should take and change in habits which one should do, in order to stay healthy and safe from the diseases. Moreover, different product companies also run advertisement campaigns, where video clip shows children washing their hands with soap before eating. These kind of advertisements, motivate the people and help in the development of good habits. To summarize, enough effort of time and money is being put into making people aware of the ways in which they can prevent the diseases to infect them. But it is a responsibility of an individual to take one's own care. Also, advancement of medical sciences is to such an extent, where we can also envisage the day, when we will be able to alter the genetic make-up of the disease causing organisms, so that they become harmless.
A wide number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the pain and agony a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
undergo, while getting treated for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is much more than the challenge he would have faced for taking measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.
Hence
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that the focus should be on investing time and effort on preventive measures.

Although, mankind has found the root cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we know that, certain microscopic beings such as virus and bacteria are the cause of most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improper hygienic conditions and infections from already infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more prone to these infections.
Hence
, parents and schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware of these points.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "give"
giving
bland lectures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this interesting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
?
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of techniques such as gamification of the lectures and digital aids should
be encouraged
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to connect the lectures with their day-to- day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interested in learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and their prevention.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
across the world are spending money in educating the citizens with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of various channels, such as programs on television and radios. The sole purpose of these campaigns is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the precautions, which they should take and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in habits which one should do, in order to stay healthy and safe from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
also
run advertisement campaigns, where video clip
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
washing their hands with soap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
eating.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of advertisements, motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
effort of time and money is
being put
into making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the ways in which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
to infect them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is a responsibility of an individual to take one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
care.
Also
, advancement of medical sciences is to such an extent, where we can
also
envisage the day, when we will be able to alter the genetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
causing organisms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they become harmless.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The graph show the progress of milk production.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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