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The chart below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant (Study Sample) v.1

The chart below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US.
In order to tackle the problem of traffic jam, some people suggest that national budget should be invested in building railroad of all kinds, while others argue that it is the infrastructure for vehicles that we should focus on. In my opinion, although I fully understand why people support the latter view, the former one seems more reasonable to me. The fact that road transport is the most popular means of transport nowadays explain why a large number of people believe that the increase of both quality and quantities of roads is the most logical solution. From their point of view, the traffic congestion in large cities is a result of poor urban planning that gives not wide enough streets with too few lanes. Therefore, a simple solution yet effective is that taxpayer's money should be used in traffic infrastructure reform programs, which must sufficiently provide expanded inner-city paths for residents as a result. By doing this, it will give enough space for all types of vehicles… to circulate swiftly and then there will be fewer gridlocks during rush hours, which in turn can save a lot of time and cost for fuel. Another point to be made is that a high-quality street with an adequate amount of signs, parking lots and no pothole will likely cause less traffic accidents, which can make all moving vehicles stuck in one place, thus create a traffic jam. Nevertheless, I still stand with those who believe railroads and subway lines are the key to thoroughly address this chronic problem of all large metropolis around the world. This is due to the fact that this type of transport is clearly superior to its road counterpart in terms of speed and capacity, since they can carry more people, goods and even smaller vehicles. Consequently, more trains and locomotives will slash the number of cars, buses, trucks, etc. , moving on the street and thus, thoroughly solve the congestion problem. Another reason to be given is that rail transportation systems are independent from other systems or, sometimes, outside crowded city areas, and this relieves the density of passengers on public vehicles, hence reducing congestion caused by other means of transportation. In conclusion, despite acknowledging why people think having widened roadways can tackle congested roads, I hold the belief that government should allocate financial resources to producing more trains and railways.
In order to tackle the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that national budget should
be invested
in building railroad of all kinds, while others argue that it is the infrastructure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
that we should focus on. In my opinion, although I
fully
understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the latter view, the former one seems more reasonable to me.

The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transport is the most popular means of transport nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the increase of both quality and quantities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is the most logical solution. From their point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion in large cities is a result of poor urban planning that gives not wide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
streets with too few lanes.
Therefore
, a simple solution
yet
effective is that taxpayer's money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
infrastructure reform programs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sufficiently
provide expanded inner-city paths for residents
as a result
. By doing this, it will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles…
to circulate
swiftly
and then there will be fewer gridlocks during rush hours, which in turn can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and cost for fuel. Another point to
be made
is that a high-quality street with an adequate amount of signs, parking lots and no pothole will likely cause less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
accidents, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
stuck in one place,
thus
create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.

Nevertheless
, I
still
stand with those who believe railroads and subway lines are the key to
thoroughly
address this chronic problem of all large metropolis around the world.
This is due to the fact that
this type of transport is
clearly
superior to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
counterpart in terms of speed and capacity, since they can carry more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and even smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
Consequently
, more trains and locomotives will slash the number of cars, buses, trucks, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
moving on the street and
thus
,
thoroughly
solve the congestion problem. Another reason to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is that rail transportation systems are
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
other systems or,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, outside crowded city areas, and this relieves the density of passengers on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
,
hence
reducing congestion caused by other means of transportation.

In conclusion
, despite acknowledging why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having widened roadways can tackle congested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, I hold the belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate financial resources to producing more trains and railways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The chart below show information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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