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People have different opinions to avoid packing products. One group argues that it is individual responsibility but the other group says it is manufacturer responsibility to control the extra package. In my personal opinion, both of them should take initi v.1

People have different opinions to avoid packing products. One group argues that it is individual responsibility but the other group says it is manufacturer responsibility to control the extra package. In my personal opinion, both of them should take initi v. 1
In recent times, many people are concerned about their safety despite the reduction in grave crimes. While there is a remedy to this issue, I believe the increase in unemployment and the lack of the government’s interest in the security sector accounts for this trend. One of the main reasons for people having great fears about their safety is the rising unemployment in recent times. In other words, graduate who does not have a means of livelihood are likely to result in heinous activities to provide for their basic needs. The recent statistics from the Bureau of Economics (BOE) has illustrated an increase in unemployment in the last three years, if this trend remains the same, these unemployed graduates might be left with no choice other than to involve themselves in criminal activities which would impose great fear in the mind of the rest of the people. Another reason is the government’s lackadaisical attitude towards the security arm of the nation. As the human population continues to increase, it is expected that the necessary manpower and equipment needed to prevent crime increases as well. However, this does not seem to be the case, especially in many Western African countries where we have fewer security personnel and the little ones either do not have the proper technical know-how or do not possess an up-to-date equipment required to combat crimes. These problems have reduced the level of confidence the citizens have in regards to their safety. In order to solve this menace, the government should provide employment opportunities for its citizens. This could be done by providing soft loans and grants for the unemployed graduates with excellent business plans and also encouraging them to go into farming. To illustrate this, South Africa was able to reduce crime rates with a new policy called “zero poverty”. This policy involved empowering graduates by educating them on the importance of fishing and granting them soft loans. As a result of this, the unemployment and crime rate reduced significantly. Another solution that can be inculcated is that government, whose primary responsibility is to protect its citizens, should invest in the armed forces. This could be done by employing capable security personnel, organising symposiums and providing them with the latest equipment in preventing crimes. With the aforementioned solutions, people would feel safer. In conclusion, although people fear for their safety, the issue can be solved through the government tackling unemployment issues and restructuring its armed forces.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about their safety despite the reduction in grave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. While there is a remedy to this issue, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and the lack of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
sector accounts for this trend.

One of the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having great fears about their safety is the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in recent times.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
who does not have a means of livelihood are likely to result in heinous activities to provide for their basic needs. The recent statistics from the Bureau of Economics (BOE) has illustrated an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in the last three years, if this trend remains the same, these unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice other than to involve themselves in criminal activities which would impose great fear in the mind of the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
lackadaisical attitude towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
arm of the nation. As the human population continues to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the necessary manpower and equipment needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
as well
.
However
, this does not seem to be the case,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Western African countries where we have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
personnel and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones either do not have the proper technical know-how or do not possess an up-to-date equipment required to combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. These problems have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the level of confidence the citizens have
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
their safety.

In order to solve this menace, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide employment opportunities for its citizens. This could
be done
by providing soft loans and grants for the unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
with excellent business plans and
also
encouraging them to go into farming. To illustrate this, South Africa was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates with a new policy called “zero poverty”. This policy involved empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
by educating them on the importance of fishing and granting them soft loans.
As a result
of this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
. Another solution that can
be inculcated
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, whose primary responsibility is to protect its citizens, should invest in the armed forces. This could
be done
by employing capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
personnel,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
symposiums and providing them with the latest equipment in preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. With the aforementioned solutions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would feel safer.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fear for their safety, the issue can
be solved
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
issues and restructuring its armed forces.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People have different opinions to avoid packing products. One group argues that it is individual responsibility but the other group says it is manufacturer responsibility to control the extra package. In my personal opinion, both of them should take initi v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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