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The graph describes the changes in water supply and sanitation in urban and rural areas between 1980 and 1990. v.1

The graph describes the changes in water supply and sanitation in urban and rural areas between 1980 and 1990. v. 1
There has been ample scientific evidence demonstrating that excessive consumption of junk food could lead to health-related issues in one's later life. While some people contend that raising the level of health awareness through education would help, others are of the opinion that this would not tackle the situation. On the one hand, paying attention to health education has a role to play in addressing the root cause of the issue. It is widely acknowledged that if people are provided with adequate knowledge of nutrition and food safety, they will have better eating habits and less consumption of unhealthy foods For example, children who are instructed early in school how to distinguish between domestic commodities and those of Chinese origin would be more selective in purchasing fresh vegetables and fruits, Besides, instructional courses on the need to ensure an intake of varied foods can help people have a more well-balanced and nutritious diet. On the other hand, health education is not a one-size fits all solution as it fails to take into consideration other social factors responsible for bad eating habit. Firstly as many people today lead a hectic lifestyle, it would mean that not all will find time to sit down and enjoy a proper dinner. Alternatively, they have no choice but eat hamburgers or pizzas to gain some energy and continue working. Secondly, some people of poor financial backgrounds may have difficulty in affording a sumptuous meal rich in nutrients and vitamins, which is relatively commonplace in developing countries like Vietnam. As an expected outcome, they resort to having junk food on a daily basis without every minding its potential health-damaging consequences. In conclusion, governments certainly out to adopt measures to enhance the level of health awareness through the introduction of some seminar or courses. Meanwhile, other socioeconomic factors need to be taken into account so that citizens can lead a healthy lifestyle free from junk food.
There has been ample scientific evidence demonstrating that excessive consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could lead to health-related issues in one's later life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that raising the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness through education would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, others are of the opinion that this would not tackle the situation.

On the one hand, paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education has a role to play in addressing the root cause of the issue. It is
widely
acknowledged that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are provided
with adequate knowledge of nutrition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
safety, they will have better eating habits and less consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
For example
, children who
are instructed
early in school how to distinguish between domestic commodities and those of Chinese origin would be more selective in purchasing fresh vegetables and fruits,
Besides
, instructional courses on the need to ensure an intake of varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a more well-balanced and nutritious diet.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education is not a one-size fits all solution as it fails to take into consideration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social factors responsible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habit.
Firstly
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
lead a hectic lifestyle, it would mean that not all will find time to sit down and enjoy a proper dinner.
Alternatively
, they have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eat hamburgers or pizzas to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
energy and continue working.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of poor financial backgrounds may have difficulty in affording a sumptuous meal rich in nutrients and vitamins, which is
relatively
commonplace in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like Vietnam. As an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
outcome, they resort to having junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a daily basis without every minding its potential health-damaging consequences.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
certainly
out to adopt measures to enhance the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness through the introduction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
seminar or courses. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
socioeconomic factors need to
be taken
into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that citizens can lead a healthy lifestyle free from junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph describes the changes in water supply and sanitation in urban and rural areas between 1980 and 1990. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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