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The man didn't make new friends. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why v.1

The man didn't make new friends. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why v. 1
Most foods in markets are massively purchased by people contains a range of chemical substances in order to ensure product lasts longer and tastes good. However, some people claim that food that is rich with chemicals is more dangerous than it seems. From my perspective, the potential dangers of this are greater than the benefits we receive. First and foremost, the utilizing of myriad types of chemicals is greater than ever compared to the previous century due to preserving and tasty look. Numerous product companies use chemicals to make food that last longer, thus it can stay longer on the store shelves. For example, the products that contain chemicals to prolong their life and durability have much longer shelf lives in contrast to the original food. Additionally, there are chemicals that are used to make products look impressive to the eye, and this factor also enhances the consumption of food. The rightful use of colourings improve the product to the eye. From this evidence, the fact that benefits are not for the customers, but for the company is clearly seen. Although most companies claim that their product is completely safe and does not contain harmful substances, consumers should not believe that due to the increase of food poisoning throughout the last decade. Some kinds of chemicals in food may even result in cancer and some other serious diseases that are hard to cure, therefore, people should consider everything before purchasing food that is high in harmful substances. To conclude, despite the fact there are numerous benefits of placing chemicals in food, almost all of these benefits are just for the company, conversely, carries dangers to the public. I strongly believe that disadvantages of this practice outweigh the advantages.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in markets are
massively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
contains
a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
substances in order to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
lasts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and tastes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
rich with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than it seems. From my perspective, the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of this are greater than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
we receive.

First
and foremost, the utilizing of myriad types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
is greater than ever compared to the previous century due to preserving and tasty look. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
,
thus
it can stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
on the store shelves.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
to prolong their life and durability have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
shelf
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in contrast
to the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Additionally
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
look impressive to the eye, and this factor
also
enhances the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The rightful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
colourings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the eye.

From this evidence, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are not for the customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. Although most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
claim that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is completely safe and does not contain harmful substances, consumers should not believe that due to the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning throughout the last decade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may even result in cancer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other serious diseases that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to cure,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should consider everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
high in harmful substances.

To conclude
, despite the fact there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, almost all of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
conversely
, carries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to the public. I
strongly
believe that disadvantages of this practice outweigh the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay The man didn't make new friends. The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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