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The graph compares the percentage of theinternational and the percentage of UK student gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university v.1

The graph compares the percentage of theinternational and the percentage of UK student gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university v. 1
It is argued that developed countries should allow more evacuees to enter their borders and give them primary support, such as food and shelter. The essay agrees with this statement because rich countries are capable enough to support these kind of people. Elite states have an abundant meal supply for their citizens. The American population has estimated that 30% of their food has been thrown every day. Instead of wasting it, why don't share these supplies to those people who needs it. Sharing some of our blessing is a nice thing to do as an individual. At the end of the day, God wants His people to help one another and be kind to each one. In fact the United States of America, allotted one fourth of its budget for the refugees. Another point to consider is that rich nations have wide areas for deportees to construct their homes. Individuals who are leaving from poorer countries, are fleeing due to famine and lack of resources. That is why countries who have extra land space allocate some of its areas for these people. In Australia only a third of its territory has been occupied by immigrants, so there is still a big space for the non immigrants to build its houses. This cannot affect to their economy because the government has enough budget for everybody. In conclusion, affluent states should welcome everyone who needs help. With this we can preserve the value of humanity and wealthy countries are able to help everyone.
It
is argued
that developed
countries
should
allow
more evacuees to enter their borders and give them primary support, such as food and shelter. The essay
agrees
with this statement
because
rich
countries
are capable
enough
to support
these kind
of
people
.

Elite states have an abundant meal supply for their citizens. The American population has estimated that 30% of their food has
been thrown
every day.
Instead
of wasting it, why don't share these supplies to those
people
who
needs
it. Sharing
some
of our blessing is a nice thing to do as an individual. At the
end
of the day, God wants His
people
to
help
one another and be kind to each one. In fact the United States of America, allotted one fourth of its budget for the refugees.

Another point to consider is that rich nations have wide areas for deportees to construct their homes. Individuals
who
are leaving from poorer
countries
, are fleeing due to famine and lack of resources.
That is
why
countries
who
have extra land space allocate
some
of its areas for these
people
. In Australia
only
a third of its territory has
been occupied
by immigrants,
so
there is
still
a
big
space for the non immigrants to build its
houses
. This cannot affect to their economy
because
the
government
has
enough
budget for everybody.

In conclusion
, affluent states should welcome everyone
who
needs
help
. With this we can preserve the value of humanity and wealthy
countries
are able to
help
everyone.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph compares the percentage of theinternational and the percentage of UK student gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK university v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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