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University degrees are becoming increasingly less valuable. Degrees should be earned by gaining practical skills on the job instead of attending university. v.1

University degrees are becoming increasingly less valuable. Degrees should be earned by gaining practical skills on the job instead of attending university. v. 1
The amount of visitors seems to increase much more significantly than the past, in other words, tourism is now a trend in many regions. There are reasons to explain this case, one of those is, travel can broaden human minds. Furthermore, most of people admit that they visit to meet their relatives living remotely. Even though this is likely to require a certain amount of your budget, this returns benefits like to encourage the local economic status, creating employments for local residents. Why do they love to travel more than before? Firstly, I am convinced that every journey we take always contains a meaning, to illustrate, if we realise the hidden value, we can learn a lot from our trip. By which I mean, as most people regard, the more we go, the more knowledge we gain. Secondly, we are living in the globalisation, many families might have relatives living in another country. So, the other reason is they want to visit their loved ones. As those reasons listed, travelling can bring them advantages even though they might not have been realised yet. In a larger view, travelling is the crucial factor which improve the economic status of its regions, for example, the developed countries, Sweden or England. People know those nations because of their famous landmarks. In addition, the more people spend time visiting, the more opportunities they bring local civilian to have a permanent job, for instance, working at travel agencies, tourist driver, tourist guide and so on. Thus, this may be true to say travelling make a lot of profits for both travellers and the governments. In conclusion, people nowadays prefer to have tours because of personal reasons, getting new practical experience, visiting friends, families, and many more. Moreover, travelling not only encourage the local economy, this also bring more employments to local people as the win-win relationship for both sides.
The amount of visitors seems to increase much more
significantly
than the past,
in other words
, tourism is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a trend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this case, one of those is, travel can broaden human minds.
Furthermore
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
admit that they visit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their relatives living
remotely
.
Even though
this is likely to require a certain amount of your budget, this returns benefits like to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economic status, creating employments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

Why do they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to travel more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
?
Firstly
, I
am convinced
that every journey we take always contains a meaning, to illustrate, if we
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the hidden value, we can learn a lot from our trip. By which I mean, as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard, the more we go, the more knowledge we gain.
Secondly
, we are living in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families might have relatives living in another country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is they want to visit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

As those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
listed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can bring them advantages
even though
they might not have been
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
yet
. In a larger view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is the crucial factor which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic status of its regions,
for example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, Sweden or England.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
know those nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
landmarks.
In addition
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend time visiting, the more opportunities they bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
civilian to have a permanent job,
for instance
, working at travel agencies, tourist driver, tourist guide and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
, this may be true to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
profits for both
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays prefer to have tours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, getting new practical experience, visiting friends, families, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy, this
also
bring more employments to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as the win-win relationship for both sides.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay University degrees are becoming increasingly less valuable. Degrees should be earned by gaining practical skills on the job instead of attending university. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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