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The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v.1

The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v. 1
The tourism industry has seen a dramatic rise in last two decades as people are travelling more often than ever before. Many countries, across the globe, depend on this industry as their major source of income to support their economy. But, it is irrefutable that tourism also generates a large number of issues. This essay will discuss those problems and will propose some measures to ameliorate the situation. First and foremost, places with many tourists can lose their original character. For instance, if a local folk visits Italy's city centre on a Sunday afternoon, it is quite likely that he might be the only local inhabitant there. Secondly, many tourists are inconsiderate about the ancient places, therefore, sometimes it can be seen that they litter these places and also damage the buildings by writing something on them or plucking flowers from the gardens. For example, Mount Everest stopped the expedition in 2019 owing to the previous batch who littered that area. To fix these problems, firstly, the government should limit the number of tourists entering a particular place. This will reduce the pressure of maintaining so many tourists together, and such places could be looked after in a better and systematic manner. Additionally, CCTV cameras should be installed at each nook and corner of these places so that everyone activities could be monitored and the culprits can be caught easily. We can look into the example of the Taj Mahal monument in Agra where everyone is under the CCTV surveillance, all the time, which has reduced the number of such issues. In conclusion, while tourism generates problems such as loosing the originality and littering of the places, these issues are not insurmountable. These things can be solved if the government follows the above stated solutions.
The tourism industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a dramatic rise in last two decades as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are travelling more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries, across the globe, depend on this industry as their major source of income to support their economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is irrefutable that tourism
also
generates
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
issues. This essay will discuss those problems and will propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to ameliorate the situation.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can lose their original character.
For instance
, if a local folk visits Italy's city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
on a Sunday afternoon, it is quite likely that he might be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local inhabitant there.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are inconsiderate about the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that they litter these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
also
damage the buildings by writing something on them or plucking flowers from the gardens.
For example
, Mount Everest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
the expedition in 2019 owing to the previous batch who littered that area.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
these problems,
firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should limit the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
entering a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure of maintaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
together, and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
could
be looked
after in a better and systematic manner.
Additionally
, CCTV cameras should
be installed
at each nook and corner of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone activities could
be monitored
and the culprits can
be caught
easily
. We can look into the example of the Taj Mahal monument in Agra where everyone is under the CCTV surveillance, all the time, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of such issues.

In conclusion
, while tourism generates problems such as
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
originality and littering of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, these issues are not insurmountable. These things can
be solved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
follows the above stated solutions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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