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The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v.1

The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v. 1
Now-a-days, most of the movies and machine games containing violence are in demand. Few people thought that they have negative effects on society, while others say they are for mild relaxation. In the next few sentences, we discuss the views on both sides of the topic. In my opinion, the number of negative effects is higher compared to the other side. Firstly, most of the machine games played by people contain violence because they are designed as per the survey people are playing. For example, today PUBG will be a game played by more than half of the world's population, while other games like puzzles are not as much popular. Even players are interested in games which includes firearms which leads to impact on society, as the person want to imitate the same in real life. When we go to the other side, films which have violence are popular compared to others. For example, one of the most popular pictures in India is Bahubali which has spread around the world where more than half of the picture time includes war scenes, whereas some other movies which has no violence/fights such as Midhunam is not popular here the movie describes how old people live their life's. Entertainment such as Movies and games has battles and wars which are throwing negative impact on society as some part of the people try to replicate them in real life. On the other hand, few think that this is for entertainment and for relaxation, its true that most people feel relaxed when they win a game or when they like the film. By Recapitulating the examples in the second paragraph, a person plays PUBG for relaxation, he plays the game to win some badges and have a chicken dinner which helps him to release his stress levels by focusing on other information. When we come on to the movie part, People will feel relaxed when they have their specific interest as in present world most people are interested in violence, in particular people from south India expect fight scenes when they watch the picture. To conclude, Films and machine games which have blood are popular as they have most of the negative impact on society, where people can go to malls or parks for relaxation. Due to most of the negative consequences in society the films and machine games which have violance should be banned.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
are in demand. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, while others say they are for mild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
. In the
next
few sentences, we discuss the views on both sides of the topic. In my opinion, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects is higher compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side.

Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
played by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are designed
as per the survey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are playing.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
PUBG will be a game played by more than half of the world's population, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like puzzles are not as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
. Even players
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which includes firearms which leads to impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as the person want to imitate the same in real life. When we go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, films which have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
compared to others.
For example
, one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
pictures in India is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bahubali
which has spread around the world where more than half of the picture time includes war scenes, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which has no violence/fights such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Midhunam
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
here the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life's. Entertainment such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has battles and wars which are throwing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to replicate them in real life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is for entertainment and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
, its true that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel relaxed when they win a game or when they like the film. By Recapitulating the examples in the second paragraph, a person plays PUBG for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
, he plays the game to win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
badges and have a chicken dinner which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to release his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels by focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
information. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
part,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will feel relaxed when they have their specific interest as in present world most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
,
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from south India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
fight scenes when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the picture.

To conclude
, Films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which have blood are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
as they have most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can go to malls or parks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
. Due to most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
the films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which have
Possible spelling mistake found.
violance
should
be banned
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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