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In some countries, it is usual for young people who graduate from high school to spend a year working or travelling before going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v.1

In some countries, it is usual for young people who graduate from high school to spend a year working or travelling before going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v. 1
In recent decades, the question of whether people should have access to knowledge disseminated at ease from videos, computers, films and so forth or from books has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although technological devices seem to be an attractive choice, in my opinion, reading books to acquire knowledge supposes to bring further advantages. It can be said that the benefits in education brought about by technology cannot be denied. Technology brings great convenience to users in approaching education. For example, with little doubt the tiny devices such as mobile phones, iPad… people can easily stay informed of current affairs with few restrictions of time and space. Users can download reference materials from online sources which are reasonably priced. This approach is very beneficial for students who are on a budget and make them well-prepared for the course work. Moreover, getting instruction across to students with the assistance of lively sounds, vivid images… can nurture their passion to learn. That’s the reason why teachers often apply technological devices to complement existing teaching methods and make the lecture more engaging. On the other hand, books are useful in many ways. One of the main positive aspects of the books is the enhanced concentration on the reading material. When reading a book, the reader can be more focused on the content without being interrupted by technology-related factors. For example, online readers are easily distracted by social networking sites or online movies and games. Instead of focusing 100 percent on reading the news, many people constantly check Facebook or watch short clips on YouTube, which negatively affects their reading comprehension. Furthermore, spending too much time reading the knowledge on the Internet can make people more vulnerable to health problems such as impaired eyesight, tiredness… Reading books regularly is the best way to encourage analytical thinking skills. Video viewers absorb material in a passive way and readers acquire education in the reverse way: written words. Readers have to use their critical thinking and creativity to understand the content. Therefore, reading books is more likely to nurture creative and independent thinking than technological versions. In conclusion, with the convincing argument mentioned above, both technology and traditional books are required for getting full data. Books are more suitable for the fundamental knowledge and internet for the most recent one. Although computers and the internet are getting more and more popular, books are going to keep expanding our education for years to come.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
disseminated at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
from videos, computers, films and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth or from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although technological devices seem to be an attractive choice, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
supposes to bring
further
advantages.

It can
be said
that the benefits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brought about by technology cannot
be denied
. Technology brings great convenience to users in approaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt the tiny devices such as mobile phones, iPad…
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
stay informed of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs with few restrictions of time and space. Users can download reference materials from online sources which are
reasonably
priced. This approach is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for students who are on a budget and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them well-prepared for the course work.
Moreover
, getting instruction across to students with the assistance of lively sounds, vivid images… can nurture their passion to learn. That’s the reason why teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
apply technological devices to complement existing teaching methods and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the lecture more engaging.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. One of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is the enhanced concentration on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
material. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, the reader can be more focused on the content without
being interrupted
by technology-related factors.
For example
, online readers are
easily
distracted by social networking sites or online movies and games.
Instead
of focusing 100 percent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the news,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
Facebook or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
short clips on YouTube, which
negatively
affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
comprehension.
Furthermore
, spending too much time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
on the Internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more vulnerable to health problems such as impaired eyesight, tiredness…
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
regularly
is the best way to encourage analytical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Video viewers absorb material
Consider replacing "in a passive way" with the adverb for "passive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a passive way
and readers acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the reverse way: written words. Readers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their critical thinking and creativity to understand the content.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is more likely to nurture creative and independent thinking than technological versions.

In conclusion
, with the convincing argument mentioned above, both technology and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are required
for getting full data.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are more suitable for the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and internet for the most recent one. Although computers and the internet are getting more and more popular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
expanding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, it is usual for young people who graduate from high school to spend a year working or travelling before going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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