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Demand of food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes and what measures must be taken by international community to make sure the supply of food is enough for everyone? v.1

Demand of food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes and what measures must be taken by international community to make sure the supply of food is enough for everyone? v. 1
This is very true that parents are the first teachers to their children because they spend much time with their wards. As the initial phase of the kids is learning stage. We will discuss about the both of the opinions in the next upcoming paragraphs. First of all, we will talk about the parents who are the first teachers. They recognize how to handle their children. They know each and very thing of their wards So they always try to do good things in front of their brood to teach them best lesson. The behaviour of the children totally depends on the conduct of their parents, so they should treat good in society. For example, if parents are using, abusing language in front of their wards, then definitely they will learn abusing language automatically. Secondly, the schools are also very important position to teach kids high-quality things. In the school kids are spending their most of the time. They are watching the activities of the students and learning practically. So the environment of the institution should be very good. For example, if the teachers are teaching how to help poor people with all the kids then definitely the children will learn good manner. They will be always ready to help poor people. Finally, at the end, I would like to conclude that the schools are teaching good manners to the wards. They are telling all the students excellent things which are very necessary to be superior in society. I am highly agreed that schools are teaching good things to the students.
This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teachers to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend much time with their wards.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the initial phase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is learning stage. We will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
both of the opinions in the
next
upcoming paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we will talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are the
first
teachers. They recognize how to handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They know each and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
thing of their wards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they always try to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things in front of their brood to teach
A determiner is probably missing here: "them the best".
them best
lesson. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
totally
depends on the conduct of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in society.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are using, abusing language in front of their wards, then definitely they will learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to abuse".
abusing
language
automatically
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
position to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
high-quality things. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are spending their most of the time. They are watching the activities of the students and learning
practically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the environment of the institution should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
.
For example
, if the teachers are teaching how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
then definitely the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner. They will be always ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like
to conclude
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners to the wards. They are telling all the students excellent things which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to be superior in society. I am
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things to the students.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Demand of food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes and what measures must be taken by international community to make sure the supply of food is enough for everyone? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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