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The graph below shows the way people of Somecountry invested their money during the years 2001 – 2006. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown. Write at least 150 words v.1

The graph below shows the way people of Somecountry invested their money during the years 2001 – 2006. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown. v. 1
Few men and women deem that it is worthless to watch sports in free time. I am in accord with the statement because it will not give any new knowledge as well as leisure time can be utilized elsewhere. However, sports will act as a stress buster and will strengthen the affection towards the country. Admittedly, if people watch sports incessantly, then it will be boring and on top of that they will not across any different information. In addition to that, instead of watching sports, people can watch other channels to augment their acquaintances. For example, people can watch sports channels for some time and news for some time. So, they will be known to their surroundings. Moreover, leisure time can be turned into quality time by spending it with family. Additionally, it would be proven fruitful, of people spend their free time outside or can develop some hobbies to rejuvenate themselves. To illustrate, I have joined hockey club which I attend every weekend to keep myself fit. Hence, it can be substantiated that watching sports in free time is futile. Conversely, there are some benefits that sports will give to people, if they watch it. Firstly, sports always acts as a stress reliever because people can show their inner feelings without bothering about any work. To exemplify, people always watch a cricket match between India and Pakistan without any anxiety and this reduces the stress of them. Secondly, a strong patriotic emotion can be awakened by watching different types of sports. Thirdly, people will get motivated from the sports, because every athlete always tries to win the game. Finally, people will come to know about different games of different nations. For instance, I was not about rugby, but as I started watching sports, I eventually come to know. Although, there is a plethora of benefits, I believe that watching sports in leisure time is useless. In conclusion, agglomerating all the above mentioned points, I believe that despite of having few merits, it is a waste of time to watch sports in free time, because people can utilize it in a different ways and it is recommended that people should be patronized to change their tendency toward sports.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women deem that it is worthless to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I am in accord with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will not give any new knowledge
as well
as leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be utilized
elsewhere.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster and will strengthen the affection towards the country.

Admittedly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
incessantly
, then it will be boring and
on top of that
they will not across any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
information.
In addition
to that,
instead
of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
other channels to augment their acquaintances.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and news for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will
be known
to their surroundings.
Moreover
, leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be turned
into quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by spending it with family.
Additionally
, it would
be proven
fruitful, of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside or can develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hobbies to rejuvenate themselves. To illustrate, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
hockey club which I attend every weekend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
myself fit.
Hence
, it can
be substantiated
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is futile.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
always acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their inner feelings without bothering about any work. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a cricket match between India and Pakistan without any anxiety and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of them.
Secondly
, a strong patriotic emotion can
be awakened
by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every athlete always tries to win the game.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
games of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations.
For instance
, I was not about rugby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know. Although, there is a plethora of benefits, I believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is useless.

In conclusion
, agglomerating all the above mentioned points, I believe that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having few merits, it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can utilize it in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways and it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be patronized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their tendency toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the way people of Somecountry invested their money during the years 2001 – 2006. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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